Friday, July 15, 2011
at 2:45 PM Posted by SmartyBarrett
Who's ready for the Red Sox to start back up again? Four days without any meaningful baseball (BUT THIS TIME IT COUNTS!!!111!!!!) and I'm all kinds of geared up. But before we get back into the swing of things, we at Mass Hysteria have put together a quick little recap of the Home Run Derby and the All Star Game. But as is our style, this isn't just any ordinary recap! May I present: A Mass Hysteria Exclusive! Recapping the Home Run Derby will be ESPN's Chris Berman, and the All Star Game run-down will be handled by Fox's Joe Buck! Take it away, fellas!
THANKS, SMARTY! WELL THE HOME RUN DERBY WAS AN EXCITING ONE AS MANY BOMBS WENT TOWAAARRRDDDSSSSS THE POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPLISH SPLASH, I WAS TAKING A BATH! SPLASHDOWN! GET ON YOUR SWIM TRUCKS, THAT ONE IS WET! KER-SPLUSH! ANTHATISGONEEE!!!!
AFTER THE FIRST ROUND WE WERE NARROWED DOWN TO DAVID "AND GOLIATH" ORTIZ, "YO" ADRIAN "I DID IT!" GONZALEZ, "HERE'S TO YOU MRS." ROBINSON CANO, AND "GOODNIGHT SWEET" PRINCE FIELDER! AND WHAT A ROUND IT WAS! "THE" PRINCE "AND THE PAUPER" FIELDER HIT ONE BACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACKBACK AND GOOOONNNEEEEE! A MOOOOOOOOOONSHOT! FOR THE LONGEST HOME RUN OF THE NIGHT! BUT ROBINSON "CRUSOE" CANO HIT ONE TOWARDS THE GGGEEEEEEEEEE-SERIES SIGN!!! AND ADRIAN "PENTA" GON-ZALEZ HIT ONE TOWARDS ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY! SUN-DEVIL POWER! AND THOSE TWO WERE ABLE TO MOVE ON TO THE FINAL ROUND! WOWWWWWWW!!!!!
ROBINSON CA-NO "WAY JOSE" HAD HIS DAD PITCHING TO HIM! HIS DAD WAS PITCHING! DID YOU GUYS NOTICE IT WAS HIS FATHER THROWING THE BALLS THAT ROBINSON WAS, IN TURN, HITTING OVER THE FENCE? HIS DAD WAS PITCHING! AND ROBIN-SON "OF A PREACHER MAN" CANO WAS ABLE TO WIN THE HOME RUN DERBY, DEFEATING ADRIAN "GONE BABY" GON-ZALEZ! WOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
AND NOW LOOK AT THIS! CONTESTANTS RICKY "EIGHT DAYS A" WEEKS, MATT HOLLIDAY "IN CAMBODIA", AND "NO WAY" JOSE BAUTISTA ARE NOW APPROACHING THE BROADCAST DESK! WITH THEIR BATS IN HAND!!! HEY GUYS! AND NOW BAUTISTA SWIIIIINGS AND---*THUD*
Hi guys it's me Joe Buck and I'm hear to recap the All Star game. What an exiting game it was. Derek Jeter. There were lots of plays that I definitely got really excited about. I'm sure you can tell by my tone here how excited I was. I mean, wow. Adrian Gonzalez got the scoring started for the AL. Home run. It was gone. 1-0 AL. He is a really good hitter. Unanimous MVP. I don't know who Jose Bautista is. Wow.
Then the NL scored 3 runs. Amazing. Price Fielder hit a home run. How good was that. Then they tacked on two more insurance runs in the later innings. The excitement was too much for me to bear. The AL tried to rally, but didn't. Paul Konerko came up in a key spot, but ZzzzZZZZZzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz....