Friday, June 10, 2011

Breakfast with the Hysterics

Wait, there was a baseball game last night? Wait, what? After a three and a half hour rain delay, the Sox actually got to play the Yankees last night to finish off their three game series in the Bronx. Not that I had a clue, I was asleep long before that game started. But from what I read online, it was quite the game. The Sox were down 2-0 going into the 7th inning, and decided to turn on their "Turbo Super Awesome Hitting Mode" and mounted 7 runs on the Bombers to earn the sweep. The Yankees on the other continued their crying, bitching and complaining when CC Sabathia plunked David Ortiz in the leg. Again, do I need to reiterate that Jon Lester had no control over his cutter on Tuesday? Or are you going to cry because your rookie reliever got jacked up and Papi flipped a bat? Seriously, you're going to throw at Papi? Have you watched Robinson Cano after he hits a home run? He does THE EXACT SAME THING!. But I wasn't the only one that was pissed off. Let's play a little mad libs with Big Papi:

"I don't want to have you guys asking me the same questions. I got almost 370 bombs in the big leagues and everybody wants to make a big deal because I bat-flip one of them. (Expletive) that (expletive), man. If I have to make that video on my (expletive), let's see how many bat flips I got on this (expletive). Good night."

And who else does Papi blame for getting beaned? THE MEDIA!

"You waiting for me?" he said. "There will be no questions. Just Big Papi talking, and if you don't like it, you can get the [expletive] out of here.

"I just want to thank you guys -- not all of you, most of you -- for the stat today of me not getting hit by the Yankees. I finally got hit. Hope you [expletives] are happy. I'm done."

To be fair, Josh Beckett kind of started the whole thing by drilling Jeter and ARod in the first couple of innings. But who started what is irrelevant, the Red Sox won again, the Yankees were swept at home AGAIN, the Red Sox have a two game lead on NY, AND the Sox have won 9 of 10 against the Yankees. And to make matters worse for the sniveling little cry babies in the Bronx, Joba is done for the year and is scheduled to have Tommy John surgery. Oh how I love to watch their paper thin pitching depth fall to shit. You know who is keeping the Yankees from battling it out with the Jays for fourth place? Bartolo Colon. And honestly how much longer is going to be able t keep up with the pace he is at. The Yankees are cooked, folks. Goodbye.

Speaking of cooked, the Heat lost again. Lebron James disappeared in the fourth quarter and the Mavs are a win away from the title. Miami fans wonder why their team is so universally hated (OH WAH YOU GUYS ARE ALL HATERS, WAH WAH WAH), and yesterday James and Wade gave a perfect indisputable evidence by mocking Dirk Nowitzski's illness. Hey Lebron instead of making fun of your opponent, why don't you figure out how to stop blowing at the end of the game? And what a bright idea, piss off the other teams leader! Smart move boys, it's no wonder you are paid million of dollars to dribble a ball and shoot in it a net, and not to use your brain for anything.

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