Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Breakfast with the Hysterics


Hello and happy Tuesday, Hysterics. If you're anything like me, you didn't sleep last night. You were too jacked up. You wanted to throw on some Rage Against the Machine or some Motörhead and light some couches on fire. You wanted to gear up, head to a rink, and deck some people. FUCK, THAT WAS AWESOME! I haven't been that pumped since Varitek made A-Rod deep-throat his mitt (which ironically I mentioned yesterday). Seriously. 8 goals wasn't enough. I wanted 88. I wanted one of the Sedins to get drilled by Thornton and leave in a body bag. I wanted Burrows teeth knocked out and his jaw caved in, rendering him incapable of biting anything ever again. I wanted Luongo to announce his retirement after the 6th or 7th or 8th goal and just walk off the ice, shamed. I wanted the Green Men to take their soiled spandex back to Canada and go into seclusion until everyone forgets who they are. Every ounce of aggression in my body was awakened, thirsty for some utter destruction. Shit, I'm STILL pumped. I can't even imagine what it would be like if I was AT that game. I'd probably be in prison right now.

My utter hatred for this Canucks team cannot be put into words. It's beyond contempt. It's beyond Eat a Bag of Dicks. The thirst for a cup, the thirst for pain, the thirst for humiliating this team is at an all-time high. And yes, the Horton hit began the awakening. And it began the awakening for every single one of the Bruins and their fans. Enough of this shit. And fuck you to the NHL for letting this team get away with so much shit up until now - I hope they suspend Rome for the rest of this series. It's about time the league stepped up THEIR game too. I want the Bruins to hurt some dudes, don't get me wrong. But I want them to do it within the rules. There's physical hockey, then there's that bullshit. They're biting dudes, they're trying to scramble Bergeron's brain, and it needs to stop. Send a goddamn message.

All that said, it was still only one game. This is the rational, level-headed Smarty Barrett talking now. I thought I suppressed him and the hate-maim-kill Smarty rose to the top, but he's out. One game. The B's are still trailing 2-1 in this series, and as much as 8-1 feels fucking great, it means nothing if they don't come out with the same fire, the same intensity, and the same mindset tomorrow night. So let's just relax, take a breath here, and... fuck it. Let's kill them.

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