Monday, May 16, 2011

Shaquille O'Neal's Celtics-Heat Series Preview

Hello Boston, it's ya boy Shaq Daddy, here to bring you the 411 on the upcoming Heat-Celtics series. As you know I've been busy doing acts of Shaq-ness, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER. Opening clubs, Comcast commercials, Icy-Hot Commercials, studying for deputy marshal badge, divorcing my wife, banging Hoopz, spending Danny Ainge's money, rehabbing my back, designing Shaq-Fu for the XBOX 360, and laying down my verses for Shaq Diesel 2: Stuck in Neutral. But no worries my dude, I'm close to being ready to bring the pain to the Heat, which brings me to a Heat-Celtics preview chock full of Shaqitygoodness.

Without a doubt I'm going with the Celtics in this one. Watching my boys Mark Blount, Ray Pierce and Kenny Anderson gel has been a thing of beauty. I've spent alot of time with my teammates, something Coach Jackson has demanded of me, and of course as a veteran leader I take my playing time on the Celtics seriously. I think it's also important for you to go get AN ICY CHOCOLATE COOLATTA FROM DUNKIN DONUTS, THE ONLY DRINK THAT CAN QUENCH A SHAQ SIZED THIRST. AHHHH!!!!!!!!

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, the Heat, my pick for the series......Oh wait I play for the Celtics, right, well, uh, I am almost back to game shape. It's not easy getting this marvelous body back in it's peak form. Give me another week or two and I should be ready, but you know right now my back is sore and my achilles is kind of tender. BUT NOT AS TENDER AS THE CHICKEN AT BOSTON MARKET, MMMMMMM THATS GOOD CHICKEN! The Heat, that can't handle me, I'll freeze Bosh in his steps and make him look like that new statue in Harvard Square.

My Highlight of the 2010-11 season.

Where was I again, oh right the Heat-Celtics series. I know most of ya'll are relying on Shaq to come back and provide that force in the middle. Don't ya'll worry, Lebron James aint nothing, Wade is nothing without me. Once I hit the court, the Heat will tremble in their shorts, and they won't stand a chance. By the way has anyone seen my jersey, I lost track of it around Christmas, and well I'm kind of embarrassed to ask someone if they have seen it. Oh well, this suit makes me look good for all the fine ladies in Boston. Hey mami, these stripes are slimming, know what I'm saying? (oh snap, I just pulled a muscle in my wrist typing that sentence, looks like I'm going to need some more down time). I need an ICY/Hot, oooh thats soothing. Can David Stern move this series to July please? No, oh well, I'll have to push past my comfort level and get ready sooner rather than later. Look out, I'm on my way back!


P.S- Can someone let Doc know I won't be at practice today, I've got a headache.

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