It's over. In your minds I'm sure all of you are thinking right now "OH BUT BCHYSTERIA, DAH FLYERS CAME BACK FROM 3 DOWN TO BEAT DAH BREWINS LAST YEAR." Well that's nice asshat, but it's not happening again. You see my simpleton septic dump of a city to the west, what happened in 2010 happens once in a lifetime, and I can guaran-fucking-tee it isn't happening again this year. Not with the way your sieve of a goalie is playing, and with the tenacity and precision the Bruins are playing. Maybe the Bruins will let you guys stay in the game a little bit just to break your black hearts one last time. But probably not, they will most definitely blow you out, yet I don't even feel bad for you, because this couldn't happen to a more deserving city.
One of your most iconic musicians plays at Boston's shitty fair every year to hundreds of screaming elderly women.
Philadelphia, you may be one of the oldest cities in the United States, but in the span of over 300 years you have given the US 4 good things. The Declaration of Independence, cheese steaks, the first two seasons of It's Always Sunny, and Mark Herzlich. That's it, and you have to take away at last two of the accomplishments because Will Smith was born in Philadelphia and I can never unsee "Hitch" or "Hancock". And your sports tradition is a joke. You have a recent World Series, some Flyers Stanley Cups from the 70s and a few highlights from Dr. J, wahoo go pat yourself on the back and drink a Yuengling. I know what you may be saying too "Oh but Boston fans are the most insufferable", but guess what? We gained that reputation because all our sports teams do is win, and our fans are assholes about it. Philadelphia is pitied by the rest of the world because the Eagles blow and will never win as long as Andy Reid is coaching, the 76ers suck, and the Flyers choke on a yearly basis. Go ahead, bring up last year, last time I checked the Bruins won 5 Stanley Cups to the Flyers 2. Choke on that one Danny Briere.
So to the city I wouldn't be caught dead in, I have this to say again. ITS OVER. Tonight, the Bruins will put an end to your sniveling existence. You will all be free to go back to rooting for your dog killing sociopathic quarterback and booing Santa Claus. The fact that so many of you embraced Michael Vick is enough for me to hate your entire city. I hope Zdeno Chara takes out a Ryan Howard jersey and wipes his ass with it and hands it to Peter Laviolette after the game. But whatever happens tonight, nothing is going to give me more joy than to see thousands of Flyers fans boo hooing and crying all over their XXXXL mustard stained Chris Pronger jerseys. Tonight is going to oh so sweet. Finish them.