Monday, May 23, 2011

Breakfast with the Hysterics

Good morning sports fans - I hope everyone enjoyed the nice weekend that at least ended on a good note, sports-wise. Last night Tim "Shot-Put" Wakefield dazzled the Cubs with his 58 mile-per-hour floater and shut the mouths of critics like myself and BCHysteria. You win, Timmy. I'll stop begging for your retirement, at least until the next time you give up 7 runs over two innings. Bard pitched the 8th, proving he was NOT raptured (more on this in a moment) and Papelbon finished it off as we all stomped our feet to the Dropkick Murphys and chugged some Guinness or something! And Adrian GODzalez (yes, we're going with that) continued to humble even the greatest of men, going 4 for 4 and pretty much cementing the fact that he is the greatest human being in history. Seriously, BUILD THIS MAN A STATUE NOW.

But I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the giant suck-shack that the Bruins and Sox constructed on Saturday. First, the B's. I don't really know what more I can say about this game that hasn't already been said. It's rare that I take a hiatus from Twitter (addict), but after Purcell scored twice in like 4.3 seconds, I stopped, because I knew everyone had the same bad feeling I did and I didn't want it to be validated. Going up 3-1 coming back to Boston would have been HUGE. Like insanely huge. Instead, they now face BY FAR the biggest game of the season tonight. Not to fear though - my cautious optimism remains highly cautious. Christ.

If your nuts weren't sore enough after that one, there was the Sox game, which was like an Alfredo Aceves fastball to the face. ...Too soon? After a nice outing from Aceves and solid relief from Wheeler and Rich Hill, Terry Francona presumably said "Hey guys, remember Little League? Lets rock an inning like that - I mean, it's throwback night, right?" Popups were dropped, throws were wild, Alberses were pummeled - an all around catastrophic shit-storm that made me believe for a second that the world was actually ending. I assumed the reason Daniel Bard was not in the game was because he was one of the few who was raptured - leaving Albers as the Sox only option. But 2 out of 3 in the series is just fine when it's all said and done, and the Sox head off to the land of Offensive Native American Caricatures tonight for a series with the Chief Wahoos. They're also only a half game out of first place. So there's that.

And speaking of the rapture, did any of our readers get summoned into heaven? Not like you can tell us - I'm certain Mass Hysteria is on the blog roll of Satan himself, and strictly banned in the promised land. Oh well, we knew what we were getting into and we stand by it. Did anyone make crazy plans in anticipation for the end of times? Me, I got drunk. But it begs the question: If you had 24 hours to live, what would you do?

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