Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Breaking off Tony Mazz, FJM Style

We here at Mass Hysteria like to pay homages to our idols. Scrolling through our vast archives you will find tributes to such greats as Bill Simmons, Will Leitch, and Hulk Hogan. Without their great contributions to the internets and blogs Smarty, Ghabby and myself understand we would be yelling about John Lackey at our journals and diaries. So today, it's time for us to honor the great lords of Fire Joe Morgan, who most of you know was a great blog that just tore a new asshole to half assed journalism across America. Today, we aim our sarcastic target on Tony Massarotti, writer for the Globe, and loud mouth on local radio station The Sports Hub. Sorry Mazz, you brought this upon yourself.

I mean, if Ainge was going to trade Kendrick Perkins and neuter the Celtics in February, shouldn't he have just pulled the plug in July?

And yes, I'd trade Rajon Rondo in a minute.

Way to start off strong Mazz, attack the one superstar on the Celtics under the age of 30. Who the hell would you trade Rondo for? If the answer isn't Kevin Love, Durant, Lebron James, or Blake Griffin, then your a fucking idiot. Why would you even bother trading him in the first place? He's easiest one of the top PG's in the league, and has delivered time and time again. Maybe you prefer Kenny Anderson and Stephon Marbury running the point, excuse me while I go drink some Draino

Looking at the bigger picture, do we have any more answers about the Red Sox now than we did on April 1?

The offense has been inconsistent.

The starting pitching has been streaky.

The bullpen has been bad.

Maybe the Red Sox built the bridge in 2010 and intend to push us off it in 2011.

Hard to argue with points one to three. But consider this Mr. DoomandGloom, the Sox have played 36 games, or roughly 20% of the season. That means there is 80% of the season to go! And oh, the Sox are only 4 games behind the Yankees a this point. HOLY SHIT THE SOX COULD STILL TURN THIS AROUND!!! Thanks also for throwing around the FJM word of the day, CONSISTENCY! YAYYYYYY!!! Finally let's address point 4, oh disciple of Senor Douchebag Steve Silva. THE RED SOX FINISHED THE "BRIDGE YEAR" WITH 90 WINS LAST YEAR WITH LIKE 30 GUYS ON THE DL. MAZZ WHY DON'T YOU GO HOLD HANDS WITH BOSTONDIRTDOGS AND LAUNCH YOURSELVES OFF THE TOBIN BRIDGE.

The Blue Jays have now stolen 11 bases in five games against the Red Sox, which cannot help but make you wonder if former pitching coach John Farrell wants to show up his former team every chance he gets.

Can you imagine what Farrell would do against the Red Sox if he had, say, Carl Crawford?

Breaking news, the Red Sox can't throw out base runners. Tony, do you honestly think it has to do with showing up the Sox? Wouldn't it be more likely that even Osama Bin Laden knew that Tek and Salty couldn't throw a runner out. Seriously, I know your memory goes only as far back as the last game, but look at the stats from the Angels series. Mike Scoscia sent a runner basically every time they got on base. You know why the Red Sox signed Carl Crawford by the way? Theo probably got sick and tired of watching him steal fucking bases on him ALL SEASON long. Remember, Crawford tied the MLB record with 6 steals against the Sox last season.

Look Mazz, I have no problem with you usually, but this crock of shit of an article was just too much. It's loudmouthes like you that make our fan base look irrational and reactionary. Can you please take a deep breath and enjoy the teams that you cover? I know its hard but go ahead and try. It may be fun.

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