Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Breakfast with the Hysterics

Good morning all, hope everyone enjoyed the awesome weekend that was. Sorry we were out of commission for the entire ordeal, but let me be the 4,289,467th person to say: THE BRUINS ARE IN THE MOTHERFUCKING STANLEY CUP FINALS! Sadly, myself and BCHysteria were traveling at the time, so we relied on our Twitter following to keep us posted on the Bruins goings on, and let me just say on behalf of the blog: thank you, Hysterics. It was fucking painful to not be able to watch the game somewhere, shoving beers in our faces and high-fiving randoms, but I was still on the edge of my seat as I frantically refreshed Twitter and ESPN desperately trying to keep up with the action. And for those that say "What action?" I say this: Shut up. Who says 0-0 games with no penalties can't be heart-stopping, edge-of-your-seat fucking amazing hockey? I'm still kicking myself for missing a truly epic game for the ages, and now it's just Vancouver (or Vahn-cooo-vahhh) and 4 wins until we bring a goddamn Cup back to this city that has longed for one so badly. Who the fuck says this isn't a hockey town? It's times like this that I recall Glenn Ordway on the Big Show taking calls about "why don't you talk about hockey?", dishing out sarcasm and feigned interest towards the callers, and then doing a snarky segment called "Hockey Talk" where he mocked the Bruins and their fans. Don't forget that, B's Nation. I assume Dennis and Callahan this morning said something like "The Bruins are in the Cup finals, but screw that! A brown person got paroled for robbing a liquor store! Isn't Massachusetts a MESS?!?!?!" It's an added bonus that this is a huge "fuck you" to WEEI. Eat shit and die, you bloated, self-serving, arrogant windbags. There's no doubt anymore that this is a hockey town - enjoy scrambling to win back all the fans that you mocked. I'm content to never listen to you again.

In non-Bruins news, the Red Sox continue to cruise, and they've moved into first place since we last talked. Besides a "tip your cap" type outing by Verlander, the Sox offense has been firing on all cylinders, and the pitching (aside from a poor outing by Lester last night) has been just as good. And just to note, EVERYONE we've called out on this blog, from Papelbon to Saltalamacchia to Wakefield, Lowrie, Varitek, and Pedroia... EVERYONE has turned it around and forced us to shove our collective feet in our mouths, ankle deep. We're now glaring at you, John Lackey. Come off the DL and shut us up. Or not, because you suck (*jinx jinx jinx*). Either way, this is going to be a fun team to watch this summer.

So while we were missing all this shit, what the hell were we up to? Try hanging out in dirty bus stations, treking into the middle of the woods of West Virginia, and drinking our fucking faces off. Why West Virginia, you ask? It's as good a place to get drunk as any. If I were to pick 3 things I learned this weekend, they would be 1. If you're going to West Virginia, fly. Don't take a bus. 2. I am not going to miss a single second of any more Bruins games, and 3. Ke$ha songs will get stuck in your head for fucking DAYS. So now you're going to have to deal with what I've been dealing with all weekend. Enjoy, and GO BRUINS.

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