Saturday, April 30, 2011

Your "What The Hell Are The Patriots Doing In The NFL Draft?" Update


So as we get get started into the final day of the draft, let's see how our beloved Pats are looking. BCHysteria gave us a fantastic preview on Thursday, so I thought I would revisit it and have a look-see at the Pats progress.

"The Patriots have absolutely no pass rush, no top of the line RB, and big time needs on the Offensive Line."

Belichick addressed one of those needs right away, by taking Nate Solder, a beast of an offensive lineman from Colorado. Guy is a physical beast, has a ton of football intelligence by all accounts, and a huge ceiling. He was arguably the best offensive lineman on the board, for what it's worth. I am 100% on board with this first-round pick, providing more protection for Brady and possibly replacing lover-of-fat-chick-porn Matt Light, who is likely gone at this point. One area of need, addressed! And shockingly, BB traded their other first-round pick! Who saw that coming?!?! ...oh, everyone. Ahem. OK, let's move on.

"With pick #33 the Patriots will draft, a CB, true we have about 9 CB's, but WE GO WITH BEST PLAYER ON THE BOARD."

....Wow. So BCHysteria NAILED it. (That's what she said?) But I'm actually going to go ahead and disagree with him here, even though he gets mad props for calling this one. Look, the Pats D was incredibly weak in all phases last year, and by taking CB Ras-I Dowling, the Pats likely upgrade their secondary. Plus, Kyle Arrington is probably gone, so there was a need, albeit a minor one. Still, any chance they have to improve the D, I can't hate on it.

BCHysteria also mentioned a need for a RB above. So the Pats got one! OK, maybe not top-flight, but they got a versatile one in Shane Vereen. So, OK! Still no D-Line/Linebacker addressed, but OK. So they're filling some holes. (Insert joke here.) Alright. So they got an O-Lineman, they upgraded some D, and they snagged a running back. I'm cool with it!

Then they drafted ANOTHER running back. Stevan Ridley. Still no defensive help.

THEN they drafted a QB! I believe BCHysteria said:

"Belichick will fail to address the lack of pass rush and will draft, oh let's throw a dart at a board...Jake Locker. Hey why the hell not right? Tom Brady isn't getting any younger."

Nailed it again, except not Locker. Ryan Mallett. I'll smoke a joint to that! Woo hoo, off the field issues! Although to be fair, if they avoided guys who have ever smoked weed, they'd be 50 guys short of a full 54-man roster. So, fine. I guess. But still - NO D-LINE! NO LINEBACKERS! WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?!?!

And this just in. The Pats just drafted Marcus Cannon. An O-Lineman with cancer. Literally.

Now I'm CONVINCED Belichick is fucking with us...

1 comment:

BCHysteria said...

BUT WE GOT ANOTHER BACKUP TE! WOOOOOOO