Monday, April 18, 2011

Your Marathon Monday Drinking Game

Welcome back to Mass Hysteria Sports. After our two year hiatus we have decided that its time to take this blog to the next level. What does that mean? Who the hell knows.

Happy Marathon Monday, or Patriots Day, or "Random Monday Holiday used to punish the liver". If you are like me, and are trying to find a fun interesting way to get inebriated from the comfort of your couch, look no further. All you need for this game is a 30 rack of piss beer, a bottle of vodka/rum/whiskey, and your remote control. Are you ready for this? Are you man enough to make it through my drinking game of death?

* Everytime Dice K walks a batter drink
* Everytime Dice K runs the count full on a batter, drink
* If Dice K throws more than 60 pitches before the 3rd inning, shotgun a beer
* Everytime NESN shows a Kenyan on your screen, drink
* If you can't tell if the runner is a Kenyan or Ethiopian, take a shot of the hard stuff
* If Carl Crawford has a shitty at bat, drink your tears (we have him for 7 years folks!)
* Every time NESN refers to a team that has a better record than the Red Sox, drink.
* For every player the Sox leave on base, drink that number.
* If the Sox go down in order, finish your beer.
* If you are still sober at this point, drink some water dammit, I don't want to be the reason you die.
* If an American is shown leading the marathon, swallow household cleaners, because most likely you are in some sort of dream state, and your actions are irrelevant
* Hey, is Tim Wakefield in the game? Drink three beers, because this game is over.
* Everytime Jed Lowrie has a better at bat than Carl Crawford, drink something small and stout.
* Don and Jerry refer to the Bruins being down two games to the Habs? Scream CLLLLAUUUUDDDEEEE and finish your beer.

Game over. At this point you have noticed that you have painted your face like the Ultimate Warrior and probably have been arrested by the police. Now that my friends, is what Patriot's Day is all about.

1 comment:

HZMLS said...

Good lord I was just a little off on my game here.