Thursday, April 21, 2011

What'd We Miss? Two Years of Sports News Condensed to One Post

As we've already mentioned, it's been close to two years since we last posted regularly here at Mass Hysteria, since that time a lot has happened that you probably wanted to know our thoughts on...well here it goes in no particular order. There was a lot to comb through, and I probably missed something, so throw in suggestions in the comments.

  • After losing his house, kids and car to Isaiah Thomas in a game of poker, Danny Ainge seceded control of the Celtics for one day on February 24, 2011. Thomas proceeded to trade Perkins to the Thunder for Jeff Green. Unfortunately Thomas had to give the team back at the end of the day, before he could give Green a max contract.
  • Pete Sheppard got canned at WEEI, BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
  • The Red Sox managed to win 90 games in 2010, even with Henry Rowengartner, Roy Hobbs, and Bugs Bunny filling in for injured starters.
  • Randy Moss went from #1 WR with a huge payday ahead, to Brett Favre's bitch, to "Hey what happened to Randy Moss?" in about a span of a month.
  • Raquel is off the market.
  • Toucher and Rich finally won the ratings war, taking out the Grand Wizards over at WEEI.
  • Though I know nothing about the Bruins, I do know that Zdeno Chara is a marked man in Montreal, and those powdered wigged judges can really dole out some harsh justice if he ever steps foot in Canada again
  • BC lost to Harvard
  • The Celtics were in control over the Lakers, then Perk tore the fuck out of his knee, and we all watched Big Baby get absolutely owned by Pau Gasol, and the scummiest scum bag Kobe Bryant won ANOTHER title.
  • Frank Spaziani took over at BC, and returned the program back to the level of mediocrity the program had missed for years during the Matt Ryan era.
  • Something called Ke$ha happened.
  • Lebron James showed in the playoffs that he is a player that can carry a team, and was much deserving of his own television show to announce he was "taking his talents to south beach"
  • BC lost to Harvard, again
  • Ray Allen set the record of most three pointers in a career. Cheryl Miller's brother was on hand to congratulate him on the accomplishment.
  • Brett Favre sent text messages of his dong to Jenn Sterger. I just hope he used lines from the chorus of the Whisper Song to set the tone for his pics.
  • Manny fulfilled his dreams to emulate Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior and have his own child. Oh the miracles of fertility drugs!
  • BC trotted out a 25 year old QB named Dave Shinskie. After watching him throw for a season and a half it was easy to see why no one recruited him to play football when he was 18.
  • "Daniel Nava is starting for the Red Sox?" Good lord that was a long season.
  • The Patriots won the 2010 and 2011 Super Bowl after trouncing the Jets and Ravens, and all was great in the world.
  • Kevin Faulk was injured early in the season, and his role as "do everything back" was taken over by Danny Woodhead. Being small, quick, and most importantly white, he overnight became the most popular Patriots player on the team.
  • Theo Epstein decided to spend the GDP of Cambodia, Kenya and Ethiopia to sign his binky Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford to obscene contracts.
  • BC lost to Harvard a third time
  • The G Funk Era officially came to an end with the death of Nate Dogg.


futuremrsrickankiel said...

What the fuck is a BCHysteria?

SmartyBarrett said...

BC Hysteria (n): A state of confusion, followed by fits of screaming, tantrums, and general insanity experienced by a Boston College fan when he/she realizes that no one in Boston cares about BC.

Guy 1: (after a Doug Flutie montage is shown at Fenway): Hey, what's wrong with Steve?
Guy 2: Oh, when he realized he was the only one clapping he went into a state of BC Hysteria.