Friday, April 22, 2011

Tales from the West Coast. Baseball Games in the Wee Hours of the Morning

Before I go over last night's game, can I just go on a diatribe for a minute? What you don't want me to? Tough crap. I hate you West Coast, and I especially hate your stupid time zone. Why the hell do we on the East Coast have to suffer because you start games at 10pm our time? Unlike you Californians who just lay around smoking weed with Snoop Dogg, surfing some gnarly waves, and munching on In and Out burgers, we East Coastians have to work in the AM because we have jobs. Since I graduated college, I don't think I've ever stayed up late enough to finish a West Coast game because they all seem to finish at like 2am EST. Last night was no different.

Do ya'll remember the 2007 Josh Beckett? He was the ace of our staff, filled with piss, vulgar language, and enough Texas hillbilly to make Jed Clampett blush. After he anchored our staff to a World Series, and cashed in, good ole' Beckett decided to take the next few seasons off. But this year is different; it's like 2007 all over again. Maybe he got bullshit at all the press clippings from the past few years ripping on him. But whatever it is, I like it, he is kicking ass, taking names, and having sex with your girlfriend while you watch...because that's how Beckett rolls. Beckett didn't allow a hit until the 6th inning last night, when Erick Aybar (I think that's who it is, the entire infield of the Los Angeles Disney Angels of California Pasadena Lays Chips Oakland are made up of basically the same player) hit the cheapest hit possible, a smash that bounced off the plate about 800 feet in the air.

But alas, Beckett didn't get the win, mainly because our vaunted lineup still has games where they leave 8,000 runners on base. Also for some reason Francona thought it would be a good idea to have Carl Crawford bunt with no outs and 2 on, in a scoreless game, with Captain Strikeout Machine on deck. Side note: Jason Varitek has got to be in the discussion for "worst player in baseball right now". He can't hit, he can't throw, he can't run, he swings at everything, he just plain sucks. If you can prove me wrong I'll shut up about him. That turned out well. The only offense I saw was pink hat heart throb Jacoby Ellsbury driving in two, which was quickly eradicated when Torii "I hate Boston because the town hates black people" Hunter blasted a two run home run off of Beckett. Then, Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Like many West Coast games, I left the TV on, and woke up, confused. Now it's the 11th inning and Jonathan ContractYearbon is in, and somehow the Red Sox have a 4-2 lead. Sure ok, let's try and finish this off, and win this. ContractYearbon lets up a walk, and a bloop single, this is getting scary again, oh shit go back to that dream where Kristen Bell takes me in her arms and we make sweet sweet love for hours, it's better than watching an Angels walkoff. But then Paps did something he has been doing well lately, that he didn't do at all last year, he got out of the jam. Red Sox win. Five out of the last 6. We made it through our entire rotation with ALL of our starters pitching light outs, so maybe just maybe this season isn't completely lost after all.

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