Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dear Spike Lee...



First of all, let me say how cute it is that your Knicks are in the playoffs for the first time since 2004. It's so great that your team finally got into the postseason in a sport that allows more than half its teams into the playoffs every year! Watch out Clippers, the Knicks are in the lottery no more! Wait, you sold all your first round picks anyways for the Eddy Currys of the world, nevermind.

Also, I would like to mention that you used to be a fantastic filmmaker. Mars Blackmon helped make Michael Jordan. Do the Right Thing was fantastic. He Got Game had the best acting by a basketball player since Kareem in "The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh." And Denzel did a great job in Malcolm X, or as the Romans called it, "Malcolm Ten". You're way better than John Singleton, and and way WAY better than Tyler Perry.

Still, it seems that the Celtics, they of the 17 banners to the Knicks' two (and none since 1973) seem to be raining on the Knicks' parade, and, in turn, yours. You (or Mars) must be wondering why such a thing is happening? Why are the C's snatching victory away in the final seconds? How could the Knicks lose with Amare scoring 28 in Game 1 and Carmelo scoring 42 in Game 2? How could the most beloved team in the NBA, in its much-anticipated return to the postseason promised land, be going out like this?


The Karma Gods, you must be thinking, are paying you back for your 2005 comments regarding the Basketball Jesus. Yes, those in which you called Him "the most overrated player of all time" and a creation of "the white media." Either that, you figure, is screwing your karmically, or it must be your portrayal of the "evil white guy in a Bird t-shirt" in Do The Right Thing.

But it's not that. Nor is it the string of bombs you've produced since "Summer of Sam," ranging from "Bamboozled" to "She Hate Me" to "25th Hour" to the horrid "Girl 6," which is among the most horrid 108 minutes I've ever spent.

No, your screwing by the Basketball Gods is taking place for one reason, and one reason alone. This 84-minute blowjob to one of the Earth's more loathsome characters:

Celtics 2, Knicks 0. A Spike Lee Joint.

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