Thursday, September 9, 2010

How To Make Today 43.7% More Hilarious


So are you guys like me? Are you the "sports guy" in your office? The authority on all things Red Sox and Patriots? Fielding questions on the Revolution and the Boston Beer Drinkers Kickball Association? Verifying rulings in the-bocce-game-I-played-at-my-barbecue-Labor-Day-weekend and whatever?

If so, no doubt you've been hit up by every man, woman, and intern today as soon as you walked through the door. "Hey Smaahty, you heaah about Towm Braaayydee?"

It's really taking all my willpower to not just scream out "YES, YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT! NOW STOP BOTHERING ME!" But instead of flying off the handle, I've decided to channel my anger, and now you can too! Just stick to these tips, and I guarantee if you do one or more of these, hilarity will ensue:


1. Casually walk by a co-workers desk and say "Yeah, I did hear that Brady's on life support!"

2. Immediately pick up Brian Hoyer in your office fantasy league.

3. Open the URL http://www.findagrave.com/tombrady and walk away from your desk.

4. Ask the person sitting next to you if they know why "nfl quarterback limb re-attachment" is trending on Google right now.

5. Light a candle in your cubicle and stick a post-it to your shirt that says, "Gone Too Soon - #12"

6. If someone hasn't seen you yet today, go up to them and say that you're having a terrible day. Not only did you get in late, but your minivan got totaled.


Feel free to leave yours in the comments.

2 comments:

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

Walk through the cubicle farm, then stop (at a key spot), say "Poor Giselle... with a newborn and all....", shake your head sadly, and walk away.

SmartyBarrett said...

Shout out from your desk, "Giselle was chasing him with a golf club?!?!"