Monday, April 5, 2010

AT&T Can Go To Hell (And Other Opening Day Observations)


So remember all that live-tweeting and Facebook-page-updating and trying-to-be-funny posting I promised everyone last night? Well someone didn't tell AT&T my plans (or maybe you did cuz you hate me... bastards...) because from the time I got to the Fenway area at 7 all the way through getting to our seats, the anthem, the 7th inning stretch, Dirty Water, etc. etc. etc. I had no service on my phone. And it wasn't just me - literally EVERY SINGLE PERSON I talked to/overheard with AT&T couldn't check their email, Facebook, texts, phone calls, etc. It was pathetic. I've already fired off an angry, hangover-fueled email to AT&T, fully expecting a "Thank you for making us aware of this issue, Smarty. We realize there is a problem and we are working diligently to resolve it. As always, thanks for being a loyal AT&T customer. AT&T - More bars in more places." response. Blow me. If I wasn't so hopelessly in love with the iPhone, I would drop you clowns so fast.

So being that I couldn't regale you with updates during the game, I'll summarize as best I can from what I remember of this kick-ass Opening Day:

*Dr. Dre is in better shape than C.C. Sabathia.

*I usually don't get all amped up over a fly-over, or fireworks or crap like that, but I gotta say it pumped me up.

*Pedro coming out and throwing out the first pitch = GALLONS OF AWESOMEJUICE.

*Mike Lowell got a thunderous ovation. Awesome. Can we trade you now?

*Also a huge hand for Tek as he walked to the bullpen. Thanks for taking your benching in stride.

*If you're a Red-Sox-fan hater, this was a perfect game to be at. Seriously, I was completely ashamed to be at this game. Where have all the real fans gone? Let's see, we had an obese chick wearing a shirt with WAAAYYYY too much cleavage and Y O U K plastered across her cans in lipstick. Stay classy. And eat a goddamn salad for once. We also had a "fan" in front of us turn around to see K-cards that were being handing out before the game. He promptly asked "What's the K stand for?" /facepalm

*And just the general atmosphere of the game was not conducive to REAL fans at all. The biggest ovation of the night went to Neil Diamond (who came out in the 8th to sing Sweet Caroline. Corny. He sounded awful too.). There were constant fights in the stands, and someone in our section tried to start the wave in the TOP OF THE SECOND INNING, and by the way, coaxed it in the wrong direction. Some 5-year old kid gave the speech from Miracle before the game. Cuz you know how 1980's Olympic Hockey and 2010 Major League Baseball have such huge parallels. And Steven Tyler sang God Bless America (which ALSO sucked). Listen, I'm all for fun stuff at the park, but it's this kind of pandering that takes the game away from the serious fans. Paraphrasing a bit from Pete Abe here, but if people want to sing along to Neil Diamond and slap beach balls around and drink and chat and do the wave, then stay home! You can do all that in your living room! And let the people that really want to watch the game come to watch it. Look, I have no problem with having fun and tradition and surprise guests, but when it starts to take away from the enjoyment of the game, then it starts to bother me. When people are more excited to see Neil Diamond in a Sox hat than they are to see Pedroia go deep to tie the game in the 7th, then there's a problem.
END RANT.

*Last one, I promise, then I'll get to actual game stuff. Can Sox fans get together and maybe come up with some decent insults for Yankee fans? There were 2 Bronx bozos behind us and the insults tossed their way were WEAK. "Yah dood, yoo ahh gayyy!" "Dood gai, fack you! Yankees sahhck!" "Brutthah, yooo sahhhck!" Really? That's all we got? Come on guys, maybe game-plan a little.

*OK, onto the game: The Yankee fans behind us were commenting on how a HR that dings off Pesky's pole is "the cheapest home run in baseball." I couldn't really disagree. Less than 5 minutes later, Posada drills it, right on cue. They quickly celebrated his monstrous and heroic bomb. High-fives and ass pats for everyone.

*When it got to be 5-1, I kind of settled back in my seat, sort of like the father of the worst kid on the Little League team. "Come on now, let's just have a good at bat!" "Wow, that was a big swing! Almost!" "Yay! Nice eye!" "Just try your hardest, that's all that matters to me!" I leaped out of my seat in mock celebration when the Sox got their second hit. Little did I know that it WAS the start of a pretty sick rally.

*Coming back from deficits of 2-0 and 5-1 against one of the best pitchers in the AL is no small feat - "BUT DOOD GAI, DA OFFENSE SAHHHKS! WE NEED TA TRADE LIKE BOWDEN AND LAAHS ANDIZSIN TO DA PAAHHDS TO GET GAHNZALIZ, GAI! DOOD HE IS PISSAHHH!"

*Say what you want about the Yankees offense, but they have absolutely NO answer for Scott Schoeneweis. The Cy Young voting is pretty much a formality now.

*The Chan Ho Park era couldn't have had a greater beginning. I smelled yard work as soon as I saw him warming.

*Bard in the 8th, Papelbon in the 9th. Pitching, defense, run-prevention (!!!!), and, oh yeah, SCORING NINE FUCKING RUNS. That's how we do it.

P.S. - I'm think I'm going to grow to love this man:

5 comments:

dubbschism said...

smarty barrett would like to have his hand amputated to be used by adrian beltre as a protective cup.

also thanks for the constant plugging.

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

The worst thing, by far:

When Pesky was introduced and walked down the red carpet, he waved to Joe Girardi, who saluted him back. Then he tipped his cap to the Yankees. Only one Yankee player (that I saw) tipped his cap in response.

Joba Chamberlain.

GODDAMIT, I'M SUPPOSED TO HATE YOU, YOU FAT BASTARD!

jennycupcakes said...

"Hey Yankees fans!!! You guys are only here because of Massachusetts State Law"
"What?"
"Yeah cause you can marry each other here... Cause you're GAY!!!"

HZMLS said...

People say that drugs are bad, I disagree. The years of formaldehyde use has done wonders for Steven Tyler.

ballamiguel said...

"My favorite day of the season is always the second game, because the real fans show up and the circus has gone home."
-Theo Epstein