ATTENTION MASS HYSTERIA: PLEASE, YOUR HELP IS NEEDED. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?
His name is Joey Porter, and he was last seen embarrassing himself, his teammates, and the Miami Dolphins organization. He was supposed to play in an NFL game today at 1 pm in Foxboro, Massachusetts, but a quick check of the stat sheet shows he was not present. Please help: he was talking so much trash, there's no way he was going to miss this game. He answers to "Overrated", "Disgrace", and "Small-Time". He is known for not tackling, talking shit and not backing it up, and being a general failure. Please, any help is appreciated.