Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Take a Deep Breath, Things Are Going to Get Better

Let's face it last weekends Patriots game sucked....hard. Like on a scale of 10 where 10 is a nuclear holocaust and you survive only to live with half your face melted off, the Patriots game was like a 9.5. It was against the Jets, Rex Ryan was blabbing his jowls nonstop all week, Kerry Rhodes was talking unlike a man with a woman's name, we had just come off a ball busting win against the Bills, and had not lost to the Jets in like 5 years at the Meadowlands. But it sucked, the offense looked like balls, the defense completely fell asleep in the second half, and oh yeah I don't know if you heard but Mark Sanchez is the next coming of Joe Montana, but you know with more poise.

First off, Tom Brady did not look like Tom Brady. Nor did he look like Drew Bledsoe, Byron Leftwich, or any other marginal NFL quarterback. He looked more like Tony Eason. Can I ask, where the hell has the longball gone? When has our entire offense been reduced to short screen passes to Julian Edelman (who yes looks like Wes Welker because he is small and white, but he is different. Edelman is much more Hebrewesque and droppier than Welker), and others that sailed behind Joey Galloway? Sorry, it was fucking frustrating watching our once potent offense look like something that would make Jeff Jagodzinski blush. Was it because our o-line was so overmatched that Brady had no time to set and make longer reads? Who the hell the hell knows, but when you are overthrowing wide open receivers that can't be the line's fault.

But look things aren't all that bad. Our defense kept the Jets out of the end zone, and Fred Taylor looks like he can actually be a productive back, probably because he has more complex moves than Lawrence Maroney's patented stationary juke-in-place shuffle. And give lord and savior Tom Brady some time; he is coming back from a catastrophic knee injury - it will take some time to get used to the flow of the game and feel comfortable making throws. I honestly believe he will get much better than what we saw this week.

But anyways forget about that loss, let Humpty Dumpy and Kerri Rhodes have their moment. It's the New York Fucking Jets for Christ's sake, they have nothing else to look forward to, this will be the highlight of their year. Pats fans should look ahead to Atlanta, and their quarterback Mike Vi....I mean, who is their QB? HOLY DUCKING SHIV!!!!!!!!!

Crap, what do I do? WHAT DO I DO???? Matt Ryan, easily my favorite player in the NFL, the subject of many of my inappropriate quasi homosexual dreams, god of Boston College vs my favorite team the Patriots! SHIT. Who do I root for? Or do I just cheer/cry through the whole game? Of course I want to see the Patriots win, but I rep Boston College every goddamn day, and Matt, will he makes me a bit weak in the knees. Ignoring my sexual confusion, the Falcons/Pats should be a great game. GHABBY will know this feeling next year when Tim Tebow is a 3rd string QB for the Jaguars and plays against the Pats practice defense in the preseason. Know why things are going to get better? Because maybe, just maybe Matty will be at the BC game on Saturday, and just maybe I will run into him. Sigh. That would be AWESOME.


Boatdrinks said...

Pssst: HZMLS. Did your wife actually read any of your Matt Ryan posts...and still marry you?
Oh my.

HZMLS said...


She is very aware of my problem