Monday, September 28, 2009

Sorry Matty, But This Is Still Patriots Country



TB: Great game there kid, what did you say your name was again? Mitch something?

MR: Hiya Tom! Wow I can't believe I am meeting you!!!!!!!! No my name is Matt...Matt Ryan, I played football down the street from here only two years ago. Gosh Tom Brady. How neat!

TB: Really? That's cool. I didn't know there was another football team around here.

MR. Um, well I played for Boston College, you know the Eagles?

TB: Is that same as American Eagle? I modeled underwear for them once.

MR: No. It's a college football team.

TB: College? Oh that was the SHIT! That's the time of my life where I held a clipboard, drank lots of mint mojitos, and banged more chicks than Hugh Hefner!

MR: Yea, I spent my entire college career with one girl and studying in the library. Well congratulations on the win. You guys played well.

TB: Thanks, and we would have done better if my receivers didn't drop so many fucking balls.

MR: Well give them a break, Joey Galloway is older than Bill Belichick, and Julian Edelman was playing quarterback at Kent State last year.

TB: Yeah, I guess I should give that Little Heeb a break. And isn't it one of those Jaimie holidays today? Isn't it Hunnakah or something?

MR: Yom Kippur. You know that holiday where Jewish people aren't allowed to eat?

TB: So wait that scrawny SOB is going to NOT eat for another week? Jesus Christ. How many scrawny white receivers is Belichick going to give me?

MR: You should have seen my receivers at Boston College. I think one of our wide receivers wrestles now in the Mexican Luchador Wrestling League under the name "El Camaron". I mean seriously do you know what that means?........ Nevermind.

TB: Before you leave, one quick thing, I hear you were named a more attractive quarterback than me. Is that true?

MR: I guess so. I don't bother reading the internet, I have games to prepare for.

TB: WELL I DID, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS FUCKING SHIT. HAVE YOU EVER BANGED A SUPERMODEL?

MR: Um, no.

TB: Ever give a movie starlet the good ole hot beef injection?

MR: Nope.

TB: ARE YOU A FUCKING VIRGIN?

MR: Well, I am saving myself for marriage because premarital intercourse is a sin, so yes.

TB: GGAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.YOU ARE A GODDAMN NFL QUARTERBACK, YOU HAVE A LOT TO LIVE UP TO. NOW GET OUT THERE AND SPREAD YOUR SEED. OK BOY? BY THE TIME WE PLAY YOU AGAIN IN THREE YEARS I WANT TO SEE LOTS OF LITTLE MATT RYANS RUNNING AROUND EVERY STATE IN THE US AND ONE IN JAPAN AND THE UNITED KINGDOM YOU GOT IT?

MR: Sure.

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