Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Last night as I was perusing my Facebook feed I noticed a disproportionate number of my Red Sox fans complaining about the Red Sox game last night. In case you were like most of us and skipped it, you missed Josh Beckett missing a start and saw instead the craptastically ineffective performance of one Michael Bowden. The Blue Jays spanked the Sox all over the place, but please remember, the Wild Card is basically locked up, we have a 99.9% chance of making the playoffs and if we lose one game WHO THE HELL CARES. So for all of you out worry-warts out there, including those morons at Boston Dirt Dogs, here are some things to worry about instead:

* A Kansas City sports team making the playoffs
* The inevitable Saddam Hussein zombie led invasion and destruction of the whole world
* Waiting for Khloe Kardasian and Lamar Odom's 50th wedding anniversary
* Any of the Mass Hysteria writers being sainted by the Catholic church
* Rocco Baldelli playing more than two games in a week
* Catching SuperSwineAIDS
* The Detroit Lions actually winning a ga...hhhhhhh shit
*BC playing Florida in the Rose Bowl. And David Shinskie actually outdueling Tim Tebow in the fourth quarter
* Raquel or Sh!tshow will ever post on Mass Hysteria ever again, and prove to the world that in fact GHABBY, SB and HZMLS are the worst writers in the history of the blogs
* Norman Chad writes GHABBY a Christmas Card. (Oh yeah the Couch Slouch actually emailed us, hopefully more on this to come)
* Natty Light becomes my favorite beer
* Joey Galloway tops the 100 catch mark.
* Canada invades and takes over the United States

And seriously, did you want Josh Beckett out there? DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THREE DAYS AGO??? Here in case you are suffering from short term amnesia, I will give you a picture reminder.

So in conclusion, yeah please pitch Hunter Jones, Michael Bowden, Devern Hansack, Pat Rapp and all the other crap you have in the pen. As long as our starters aren't getting hurt it doesn't matter. But hell tonight, Clay Buchholz is starting for the Red Sox against Ed Romero so you should have your slam dunk win. So no more worrying, the champagne will be popped tonight, but please for my sanity no more line drives off our starters.

1 comment:

SmartyBarrett said...

the fuck is a Shinskie?