Friday, September 18, 2009

Breakfast with the Hysterics


Thank god it's Friday, did anyone else feel like this week would never end? At the risk of getting reamed by our reader Rocco, it's friggin cold and I think I'm getting sick. It was pretty quiet in the world of sports last night. Most of the world was watching the new Office, 30 Rock and whatever other new shows were on last night. Well any new show that isn't Jay Leno, which really doesn't constitute as a new show because its the same shit as the Tonight Show but at 10pm. How innovative! I missed the Office, because I was watching the game last night, as all of you should have, so don't ruin it for me. BECAUSE ZOMG I NEED TO KNOW IF PAM IZ HAVIN' A BABBYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But anyways the Red Sox played again last night and they lost. And you know who I blame this all on? Not Billy Wagner, not Josh Beckett, not Rocco Baldelli. CAPTAIN JASON VARITEK. Yes our Mr. Intangibles cost us last nights game, and would have cost us the game the night before but luckily the umps were taking bribes from the gangs in Southie. How can you get crossed up on two strike threes in back to back games? So he can't throw out runners, he can't even catch the pitchers he supposedly specializes in and he can't hit. Why should we hold on to him last year? Here just look at his hitting since July:

July: .231 AVG .367 OBP (BWAH??) .369 SLG
August: .135 AVG .233 OBP .250 SLG
September: .130 AVG .200 OBP .174 SLG

I predict by October, Varitek will have forgotten how to swing a bat, and will stand in the batters box and just hold his bat out praying that the ball miraculously hits his bat. And as SmartyBarrett mentioned earlier, he lost Heidi Watney to Nick Green. NICK GREEN. That's gotta be like the captain of the football team losing the cheerleader to the President of the Chess Club. But remember good ole Captain has a player option next year and when he realizes that no other team wants a washed up catcher, he is going to exercise his option. Yeah Tek!

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