Thursday, September 10, 2009

Breakfast with the Hysterics

After having seemingly disappeared from the Mass Hysteria radar, HZMLS is back. No more weddings and weird job hours to steal his time.

* The Red Sox took the second game of the series last night against the Orioles 7-5. Paul Byrd lasted 5 innings to get his second win this year. As I have been away for the past two weeks, I have yet to see Byrd pitch and was expecting to see him get clobbered by Nick Markakis and company. But that didn't happen, contrary to popular belief a 38 year old pitcher, who has a windup out of the 1920's, with a 86mph fastball can still get outs. Also, I don't think its been mentioned on this blog enough yet, but I fucking love Victor Martinez. Seriously. We rip on many a people here, Big Slumpi, Lawrence Maroney, the entire BC Football Team, Brian Scalabrini and guys on the Bruins I have never heard of; but jesus christ Victor Martinez is awesome. Clutch hit after clutch hit after clutch hit. He is like a David Ortiz-Manny Ramirez cross breed, but without the you know, steroids.

*Texas won again. Woopedity shit. How a team with Scott Feldman as their #2 starter is challenging the Red Sox is beyond me. Then again they have Nefatali Feliz in their bullpen, who happens to be jaw droppingly awesome. 29 Strikeouts in 22 innings, batters are hitting .101 against him, and rightys are hitting .028 against him. Yes .028, thats like SmartyBarrett's average hitting on girls at bars.

* Obama had his big address on Health Care last night, and of course I missed it to watch the Sox game instead. I guess the big moment of the night involved Joseph Wilson of South Carolina, who yelled out "You Lie" at Obama during his discussion on illegal immigrant coverage. Raquel once warned me not to get into politics on this blog so I'm not going to go on any diatribe involving politics, or healthcare, but that was a pretty classless move douche. He's the president of the United States for godsakes, the leader of our country. Suck my balls.

* Derek Jeter tied Lou Gehrig for the all time lead in hits in Yankees history. Though in the past I have had issues with his defense, and he has slammed more models than I ever will meet in my life, Jeter has completely shut me up this year. With ARod being hurt, and not putting up the numbers he did last year, Jeter has led the Spankees to an imminent AL East championship. And personally they scare the shit out of me going into the playoffs. Congratulations Derek Jeter. I hope you celebrated by going out and banging Scarlett Johannsen or Jessica Biel.


Rusty said...

Hey, new to the blog. Like it a lot.
Except for the "15,000 at Alumni Stadium" bullshit.
BC football is lame-ass, sucky, and for complete posers. The ACC uses BC to wipe it's ass.

HZMLS said...

Rusty, thanks for the love. But prepare for non stop- BC ass wiping bullshit from yours truly, and it won't stop until they lose the Arby's Bowl to Coastal California Tech.

Rusty said...

Nothing better than Maggie O'Connor who transferred from Fairfield U gakking Bloody Mary on your shoes.

No worries, good luck starting a new bowl streak.

ballamiguel said...


nfsffw said...

Who is this Raquel you speak of?