Friday, August 28, 2009

20 Ways to Piss Off the Stereotypical Red Sox Fan

As Red Sox fans, we at Mass Hysteria tend to run into far too many of our Sox-loving brethren who make us reach for our nearest bottle of Xanax with the quickness. Whether you call them "Yahdoods," "Brosephs" or just plain "Mouth-breathing, rapetastic douchefuck products of a low sperm count," we've all been terrorized, embarrassed and shamed by them. Here then, is your handy-dandy guide to what, exactly will piss off that meddlesome Sawwwxxxx fan in your life:

1) The bar running out of Red Bull or Bud Light in aluminum bottles.

2) Busing integration.

3) Trying to start the wave during a pitching change.

4) Non-tribal/shamrock/sports logo tattoos.

5) Pictures of Derek Jeter with hot bitches that he banged.

6) Being forced to name a second Neil Diamond song.

7) Wearing your hat frontwards.

8) When that hooker from the Combat Zone turns out to have a penis.

9) Being from Connecticut or New Jersey.

10) Spike Lee joints.

11) Vegetarians and vegans.

12) Calling Mark Wahlberg an overrated actor.

13) College-educated people who work on salary.

14) Getting your third DUI.

15) Realizing she's not as thin as she looked with that Pedroia t-shirt on.

16) Not getting St. Patrick's day as a paid holiday.

17) Queeaaahhhs.

18) The existence of the National League.

19) When Kowloon's won't deliver to whatever alley you've passed out in.

20) Really anyone who's not from the 617, 781 or 978 area codes.


DRSimoes said...

well played my good man. well played.

Shaun said...

I seriously can't think of a second Neil Diamond song right now.

Also, I was born in Rhode Island, so the last one saddens me.