Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Get To Know Adam LaRoche

Wanna know what it would look like if JD Drew and Mark Kotsay had an illegitimate love baby? Well look no further! The Red Sox have acquired Adam LaRoche from the Pittsburgh Pirates in exchange for two minor league scrubs you've never heard of. Sure, it's not the trade you've been looking for, but it is the first big trade of the season for the Sox, so let's get a little excited.

Now it's very possible that you don't know much about LaRoche, being that he plays in the the Land of the Lost Boys that is PNC Park. It's like the Jason Bay saga all over again. But fear not, Hysterics, I'll let you know as much as I know/can look up on Wikipedia.

* He's a left-handed hitting first baseman with power. Think of the left-handed Mike Lowell, but statistically better over the past 3 years, and with more pop. His defense is below average, but putting Youk at 3rd and LaRoche at first is probably a better defensive setup than Lowell at 3rd and Youk at first.

* He statistically has way better second halves of seasons as opposed to first halves.

* He suffers from ADHD.

* He was the first pitcher in MLB history to have a home run taken away by the use of instant replay.

* He is not French. In fact, he's Mexican. Don't let the LaRoche fool you. His father's REAL last name is Garcia, and he changed it at age 7. "My grandfather was 100% Mexican."

* In a related story, GHABBY~! already hates him.

* He enjoys the occasional practical joke.

* HE IS TEH AWESOME!!!111!!!

1 comment:

GHABB,Y~! said...

LaRoche will suck ten dicks. This will not end well.