Tuesday, July 7, 2009
at 11:31 AM Posted by GHABB,Y~!
The annual NBA Summer League season is a perverse joy for basketball junkies such as myself, where players I haven't heard from in years magically end up donning practice jerseys of NBA teams that they'll never play for, while I repeatedly say "wait, he's still alive?" at my television screen. Good times are had by all. And this year's Summer League is no different, with the most star-crossed Summer League entry coming from your very own Celtics. Has-beens and never-weres dot the C's Summer League Roster, including the likes of Michael Sweetney, Coby Karl and Darius Washington. And oh yeah, this guy:
Now that you've visited your office eyewash station, I can tell you that the above pictured freakshow is one Robert Swift, formerly the apple of Danny Ainge's eye and most recently the sampler of multiple varieties of pine throughout the NBA. Swift entered the NBA with much hype, backing out of a scholarship to USC (and the corresponding Bentley that comes with it) to enter the NBA, where he was drafted by the Sonics before Danny Ainge could sweep him up. Swift had all the tools - size (a legit 7-1), an outside game, and a great deal of Chad Ford's patented "upside."
Unfortunately, that all went to shit.
It may have been the multiple knee ligament tears over the course of four years, it might have been his Popeye Jones-level ugliness, and it may have been his Josh Hamilton pre-08 propensity to cover his pasty skin in ugly tattoos, but, all parties involved can agree that Robert Swift's NBA experiment has worked out at the level of Steve-O's rap career. He played a grand total of 97 games in four seasons, averaging a blistering 4.3 points and 3.9 rebounds in each of those glorious contests. He has never played more than 47 games in one season, and has two years of less than 16 games. Those stats may not be bad for some D-League retreat, but for the 12th pick in the 2004 draft, they're dreadful. Oh, and the C's, after seeing Swift taken ahead of them in that draft, "settled" on some high school kid named Al Jefferson. So yeah, bullet motherfucking DODGED. Thank God Rafael Araujo was off the board by that time too.
However, post-heart attack Danny Ainge (who apparently contracted the retard gene in his heart surgery) has decided to give Swifty another chance at redemption, naming him to the C's 2009 Summer League squad along with the aforementioned Sweetney and Karl, as well as legitimate prospects Lester Hudson, J.R. Giddens and Bill Walker.
The C's Orlando Summer League squad debuted yesterday, and, to the shock of everyone, Swift didn't exactly play like gangbusters. His stat line: 21 minutes, four points, three rebounds and one bone-headed three-seconds call. Center of the future kids!
Thankfully, Swift's Dwight Howard-esque output was aided by bang-up performances by Hudson (11 points in 19 minutes), Walker (14 points) and Nick Fazekas (13 points, five boards). The C's took an early 34-2 lead over the "Jazz" (featuring SmartyBarrett man-crush Jimmy Baron) in both teams' initial Summer League foray, and didn't look back, coasting to a 87-56 win. You may credit Walker or Fazekas, but I know who the true hero of yesterday's win was: Ginger Balls Swift, Praying Center of the Future.