Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Ru-Bi-OOOOOO


According to today's Memphis Commercial Appeal (and frankly, who doesn't read that fine broadsheet), the Grizzlies are entertaining offers for their No. 2 selection, widely reported to be the spot where my basketball Tebow, Ricky Rubio, will be drafted. According to the article, the suitors for the Rubio pick are Houston, New York and...Boston?

Now, the first reaction of our fine readership will of course be "what the fuck do the C's want with some 18-year-old Spanish point guard?" To that I first say, fuck you, ANY team would be made immensely awesomer by the inclusion of a player who's half Pistol Pete Maravich, Half Steve Nash and Half Jesus Tapdancing Christ. Anyone who doubts that should watch one of Rubio's YouTube highlight reels, and if you can keep yourself from getting an erection during them, I'll give you a dollar:


Now that you are fully engorged, let me drop some logistics on you. Ray Allen's contract (which would probably be the main trading bait in any deal with Memphis) is expiring at the end of the year, and as much as I love me some Jesus Shuttlesworth, trading him away would free up roughly $20m for the vaunted "Summer of 2010 Free Agency Class," which features everyone from LeBron to D-Wade to Mark Madsen, or the money could be used for this year's not-terribly-bad free agency class. Also, that freed-up money could be used to re-sign Rondo, who will almost certainly be asking for Max Dollars, especially coming on the heels of his elite play in this year's playoffs.

"But what will the C's do with two point guards," you nasally whine. First off, as we learned in the last two years, it's always a good idea to have a skilled backup point guard, specifically one not named Sam Cassell or Stephon Marbury. So worst case, the precocious Rubio spends a year or two ably backing up Rondo, bulking up, and learning the rigors of the NBA. From there? Well then the C's would have two top-level PGs who can create, slash, dish and play D. (okay, Rubio doesn't play D as well as Rondo, but he can certainly be taught) Playing the two together would absolutely scare the BEJESUS out of teams, having two insanely skilled point guards on the court at the same time. Would the C's need a deadeye shooter to compliment them? Obviously. But Rubio also can stick the three-ball, and if having two PGs means that Pierce can stay on the perimeter and not have to worry about being gang-raped on every possession, well then all the merrier. And if Rondo decides not to re-sign *shudder* then Rubio would be one hell of an insurance policy.

Look, this may end up being a moot point, but the thought of having Ricky Rubio on the C's brings to mind countless possibilities for a team that ran out of them in this year's playoffs. Vote early. Vote often. Vote Rubio.

6 comments:

HZMLS said...

Great Hook reference...if that's not what you are referencing it should be.

SmartyBarrett said...

BRING ME PETER PAN!

Raquel said...

A week-old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!!!

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I've always felt that Memphis has more of a touristy appeal rather than a commercial appeal....

HZMLS said...

If this is any indication, Rubio will probably die after being stabbed by Kobe Bryant.

GHABB,Y~! said...

Btw, did anyone see the episode of Entourage where Rufio played a sneaker salesman? It's ironic, because he's probably a shoe salesman in real life now.