Thursday, June 18, 2009

Great Beards in History: Joaquin Phoenix


Dear Joaquin Phoenix,

I know everyone has dismissed you as "off your rocker" and "batshit crazy" ever since your memorable Letterman appearance, but I, as a connoisseur of Beards, have gained more respect for you in recent months. You see, my respect for you is not because of your budding hip-hop career, or your non-Green usage of gum under Letterman's desk, but rather, your growth of an utterly fantastic beard.


Sir, you are walking the Path Less Traveled, and for that, I commend you. Sure, it may lead to "no more movie or television roles" and "restraining orders from any and all women," but you have instead chosen to walk the hallowed halls of the Men of Beards. Your beard, in its glory, reminds many of Rick Rubin, Will Ferrell in that scene in Anchorman when he drank the warm milk, and that homeless guy I saw in New York City this weekend who held up a sign that said "NEED DRINKING MONEY."


So, brother of Dead River Phoenix, we at Mass Hysteria urge you to stand tall. To stand proud. To stand...beard. And by all means, keep us updated on that hip-hop career. I'll be sure to listen to your Mad Beard Rhymez.

1 comment:

HZMLS said...

In that last picture Joaquin is saying "Guess which hand my cigarette is in"