Monday, June 1, 2009

Breakfast with the Hysterics

Story time again here at Mass Hysteria. It was a MH bro's type of weekend (no homo) as GHABBY, SB and myself spent Friday night gorging ourselves on delicious Hooters wings at their standup establishment in Saugus. With the Celtics and Bruins both devoid of playoff life, we decided that the Nuggets-Lakers game would be reason enough to get together around girls with their funbags hanging out and shorts wedged firmly up their asses. This was only my second trip to Hooters, my first being during my graduation week from college, and I had no idea what to expect. Saugus is a city, right near Lynn, Revere and Melrose, and located on the vaunted Route 1, so my expectations regarding the acceptableness of these girls was pretty low. Actually I was happily surprised, other than a girl who I swear had a wig on and looked like she was twelve, and our waitress who must have hit puberty at 10, the ambience was pretty stellar. The wings, on the other hand, I am still feeling. Hooters wings must be coated in 100% saturated fat, because I woke up the next morning feeling like a small pony had begun to grow in my lower intestine, and that whatever I ate the following night would probably take a fortnight to digest. So was spending my entire Saturday morning sweating profusely worth the experience of Hooters? Yes, based solely on watching GHABBY drink a large beer through a straw.

The rest of my weekend was filled with weddings, more drinking, keeping FutureMrsHZMLS from throwing up, and the Red Sox. The Lebron James show is finally over, much to the dismay of ABC and ESPN (who haven't fucking stopped talking about him for the past six months) and are astonished that a team with Anderson Varejao, Wally Szczerbiak and Ben Wallace will not be making the NBA Finals. Does this mean that the Kobe-Lebron puppets will finally be sold to some theatre troupe in Tallahassee, Florida that wants to do Avenue Q? I'm going to go with the Magic in 6; there is no way that Pau Gasol is going to be able to cover Dwight Howard. Also my boys over at Boston College played an epic baseball game against Texas on Saturday that lasted over 7 hours, 25 innings, and featured a pitcher for Texas that threw 12 1/3 HITLESS innings in relief. BC followed that up by playing another game like 8 hours later - and losing to Army. Oh well.

The only real bright spot over the weekend was the re-emergence of the fucking awesomeness that is Jon Lester. 12 strikeouts over 6 innings, hitting his spots, and FINALLY looking like the ace we had last year. And to Steve Silva and the other clowns over at BDD: no Ramon Ramirez is not cooked, Jon Lester is not going to lose his slot in the rotation, and don't go claiming that the lineup shift was the reason we won. STELLAR FUCKING PITCHING WAS THE REASON ZOMG!

I don't think it has been stated clearly on this site, but DAVID ORTIZ IS COOKED. Now we could make some easy steroid or fat jokes here, but that would be too easy. Instead, this: Last night I was checking out and they have some charts that pretty much say everything that needs to be said.

For On Base Percentage:
For Slugging Percentage:
It doesn't look like things are going to get any better for Big PopUp.

1 comment:

ballamiguel said...

"Nobody goes to Hooters for wings."
-Chris Rock