Friday, June 19, 2009

Boston Sports Weekend Preview- Monsoon Racist Native American Nickname Edition

The Raquel Memorial Glitter Logo

Reader Rocco once commented that I complain about the weather too much, and that if I don't like it I should move. Well if you think I bitch too much about the inconsistent temperatures and rainfall, don't read on. The Red Sox are scheduled to play three games against the Atlanta Braves this weekend, but that is all pending that the nonstop dreary, god aweful overcast and rain stops long enough to let them play 9 innings. And no more of this 5 inning bullshit, that game should have never started in the first place last night. Now let's look at the weekend matchups.

Friday Night: Kawakami vs Dice K.
So in Game 1 we have the Braves shitty Japanese import vs the Red Sox equally horrible Japanese pitcher. Dice K hasn't resembled a quality pitcher at all, and tonight probably will be no different. With the rain pouring expect a four to five hour affair with each pitcher lulling us all to sleep with non stop 3-2 counts and WALKS WALKS OH GOD NO MORE WALKS. Then again if the Braves start Jeff Franceour there is at least one automatic out in the lineup, and trust me Dice K, he will swing at ANYTHING.

Prop Bet: Dice K will pitch 6 innings throwing 140 pitches, walking 11 and only allowing 1 run on 2 hits. Sox win 4-3.

Real Bet
: I'll take the Japanese guy that has pitched here longer in an epic-ly uninteresting game. More than likely though: Rain Out.

Saturday's Game: Derek Lowe vs Josh Beckett: Though he is been gone for almost five years now, this will be Derek Lowe's first return to Fenway Park since he oddly showed up for the 2004 Ring Ceremony, as property of the Dodgers. Captain Kickass's last start wasn't as bad as many make it out to be, he missed on a few pitches, but he still was in control of a very good Phillees lineup for most of his start.

Prop Bet: Derek Lowe spends most of the first three innings crying on the mound, wishing he could have resigned with the Red Sox instead of widdling away on an Atlanta club that has absolutely no chance of making the playoffs. In between innings he escapes to John Henry's box and does what his favorite Boston activity: drink lots of booze.

Real Bet: Lowe has been pretty good this year, and I have this sneaking suspicion that he might be able to control this Red Sox lineup with tons of ground outs. Well that's if we can play a game without three inches of goddamn rain.

Sunday's Game: Jair Jurrjens vs Tim Wakefield: Here is a fun fact about Jair Jurrjens, he was born in the Netherlands. Want to know anything else interesting about him? Too bad, I have nothing. Tim Wakefield could continue his campaign to make the all important All Star Game (sarcasm) with a solid outing against the Braves. Then again Joe Maddon probably will pick Matt Garza, James Shields, Scott Kazmir (why not), Andy Sonnanstine, Dan Wheeler, and David Price all to play, and leave Wakefield and his 10+ wins off the team. Interesting factoid about Wake, he averages almost 10 runs a game in run support. Woopeditydoo.

Prop Bet: Double J does what any good Dutch person does before a stressful event, they get stoned. As the Red Sox fan heckle him mercilessly he freaks out on the mound rips his uniform off and invades the concession stand trying to get as many Fenway Nachoes before he is arrested by the fat cop who fist bumps Papelbon

Real Bet Did I mention the Braves aren't very good? Well Double J (look I'm too lazy to spell his name over and over again) has lost his previous three starts, and he will lose again to the Sox. Boston beat Philly 2 out of 3 in Philly, I expect a sweep here. Like I always do. Or a weekend full of rain outs. Goddamn it.

Have a great weekend everyone. It's summertime.

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