ANOTHER MASS HYSTERIA EXCLUSIVE!!!!!!!
Yes, I, your loyal Pimp, have been working feverishly all day to find out how far down the rabbit hole Manny has taken us. I have, through sources which I cannot disclose, obtained a list of the most recent drug testing results for the Red Sox. The results are printed here, in a World Exclusive. Thank you for your continued patronage!
• Back bacon
• Kraft dinner
• Molson (the good stuff, not that imported pisswater)
• Red Stripe
• Dat mighty mellow herbal, mon (praise be to Jah)
• Jerk chicken
• Jerk fish
• Jerk beef
• Jerk stew
• Jerk-flavored jerky
• More Viagra
• Blonde hairs
• A little schmear of this, a little schmear of that....
• The entire product line of Wyeth Pharmaceuticals
• The entire product line of Pfizer Pharmaceuticals
• Spicy marinara
[CLASSIFIED PURSUANT TO ORDER #486867 -- NSA]
• Nothing to see here.
• Move along.
• Don't you have something better to be reading?
• I SAID MOVE ALONG.
• Human Shitty Beard Hormone
• Ugly stick
DREW, David J.
• Robot juice
• Robot lubricant
• Other fluids that can be found in robots
• HE'S A ROBOT!!!!!