Monday, May 4, 2009

Star Wars Episode VII: Nerds Descend On McCoy Stadium

Minor league baseball is not the most exciting thing to watch for a host of reasons. Either the team is full of has beens or never will bes (see Billy Traber, Felix Rodriguez, and Jeff Bailey) or the games are just so horribly one sided. Whatever the case, minor league teams have been forced to put on "special nights" to attract fans to their stadium. In the past such promotions as "Robinson Checo Bobblehead Night" or "Sleep with Alyssa Milano Night" have been sufficient to get people in the gates, but with the economy in utter ruins it takes a little bit more to sell tickets. Look at this recent promotion in Pawtucket:


Emperor Epstein already warned you about taunting his young padawan Julio Lugo during his rehabilitation and you have not listened, now you must die.
Luckily for those in attendance the storm troopers and Darth Vader were available to mercy kill anyone who had to watch Gil Velazquez try to hit . Vader went on to promise that his newest weapon the Death Star would be fully functional and ready to attack the nearest moon: David Ortiz.

The Empire was not the only Intergalactic Federation represented at McCoy Stadium. Also in attendance were actors recreating the roles of Chewbacca, Han Solo and Princess Leia. Mark Hamill begged to come to the event, but he couldn't afford the ticket and was denied admission. Newly reacquired Kason Gabbard was given the unsightly job of cleaning up all the nerd jizz caused by the mere sighting of Princess Leia.
Newly retired Curt Schilling decided to get in on the act and dressed up as a Stormtrooper. The 2004 hero went on to say "I spend most of my free time eating Sonic, writing 5000 word blog posts, and playing multiplayer RPG's, dressing up as a Star Wars character only seemed like the next logical step.

1 comment:

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

I love that the kid in the Han/Chewie/Leia picture is locked in on Leia's tits like a laser beam.....