Monday, May 4, 2009

If Only Big Papi's Hitting was as Good as his Cursing


We here at Mass Hysteria have really been avoiding the "David Ortiz is cooked" post, mainly because even though he's hitting Dustin Pedroia's weight and is in the midst of the second-longest homer-less streak of his career, it's still a relatively small sample size. But it still pisses the hell out of me. And it pisses the hell out of Papi, too. Check what he recently said in this profanity-laced tirade:

"Well, I'm not happy," Ortiz said. "Why should I be? But let me tell you what. I'm the kind of guy that, 100 at-bats in two weeks, I can wipe my [expletive] with. You know what I'm saying? I'm just going to keep it cool, keep playing the game, not worry about too many things. I'm not going to worry about all the negativity, all the bull [expletive]. Because, it seems like it's never enough. People, all they like to see is people fail, so they have a reason to talk [expletive]. So that's why I'm trying to stay away from talking. Because I don't need to talk. I need to do things right now. You know what I'm saying? I will do things. Believe me. Regardless. I will.

"It's going to come slowly, and it will. I'm just not trying to do ... what I can do in a week, I'm not trying to do in one day anymore. I was. I'm not going to lying to you. I was trying to get five hits in one at-bat. So right now, I'm just taking it slowly. If they want to walk me, they don't want to give me [expletive] to hit, I won't swing. If you give me something, I'm going to try to hit. If I don't hit a home run today, I'm going to hit a home run tomorrow."


Wow. I think it's pretty easy to figure out what the expletives were, too. But just in case, I've filled them in below:

"Well, I'm not happy," Ortiz said. "Why should I be? But let me tell you what. I'm the kind of guy that, 100 at-bats in two weeks, I can wipe my bitch tits with. You know what I'm saying? I'm just going to keep it cool, keep playing the game, not worry about too many things. I'm not going to worry about all the negativity, all the bull cunt-fuck. Because, it seems like it's never enough. People, all they like to see is people fail, so they have a reason to talk motherfucking shit-bitch-cock. So that's why I'm trying to stay away from talking. Because I don't need to talk. I need to do things right now. You know what I'm saying? I will do things. Believe me. Regardless. I will.

"It's going to come slowly, and it will. I'm just not trying to do ... what I can do in a week, I'm not trying to do in one day anymore. I was. I'm not going to lying to you. I was trying to get five hits in one at-bat. So right now, I'm just taking it slowly. If they want to walk me, they don't want to give me an ass-fucking to hit, I won't swing. If you give me something, I'm going to try to hit. If I don't hit a home run today, I'm going to hit a home run tomorrow."

Jeez, David, calm down. While I highly approve of swearing, I like hitting more.

Now fucking get your shit together.

No comments: