Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Breakfast With the Hysterics

Dear readers, I have failed you.

After possibly my busiest day of work ever combined with a boxing workout that forced me to pull the trigger just before I was about to do my 200th pushup of the evening, I sat down to watch my beloved Celtics compete in what may possibly have been their biggest game of the season. Game 5, at home, series tied 2-2, coming off a game-winner...this shit was HYOOOGE GUY. And I proceeded to sit through a wildly uninspired first half, watching the C's brick shot after shot. And then the unspeakable happened.

I fell asleep.

Now I could blame it on my super-comfy 1950s-style recliner (seriously, the thing screams "Woman, make me a Rob Roy or I'll punch you right in the kisser"), or my insanely busy day, or the chicken parm and potatoes that I had for dinner. But being a man of principle, I shall make no excuses, and simply say that I failed both as a man and as a Celtics fan last night. I am ashamed, embarrased and seeking a new therapist.

What I missed, of course, was an epic comeback by our beloved Green, sparked by Stephon Fucking Marbury's Head Tattoo of all people. Thankfully, I have the game DVR'd and plan to watch it tonight (the new Ultimate Fighter can wait), but it won't be the same. I am a failure. I hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me.

In other Boston sports news...

- The Bruins evened their series with Carolina with an inspired 4-2 win in Carolina, meaning that we'll have a Game 7 at the Garden on Thursday. From the biggest hockey hater on this site, I'll say this: these Bruins are awesome to watch. They hit, they fight, they score and they generally impose their will on the opposition when they need to. Aaron Ward recovered from a broken face to play 20 minutes, because he's the fucking MAN. Mark Recchi took his super-Geritol and scored a goal and an assist. To quote my favorite wrestling chant, Carolina, on Thursday night, you're gonna get your fucking head kicked in (clap ten times)!

-Completing the Trifecta of Awesomeness (not to be confused with the Trifecta of Shame, which my friend Chris originated in college when he pissed, shit and vomited in his bed at the same time), the Sox came back from a 3-1 deficit to beat the Angels 4-3 last night in Anaheim. If you stayed up to watch that game after the C's and Bruins wins, well, then my hat's off to you as you suck down your third Red Bull of the morning.

-To everyone's surprised, Roger Clemens continued to be a lying douche, reiterating his "I didn't take steroids, I swear!" defense on the already-insufferable Mike and Mike radio show. Roger, I have a suggestion for the next substance you pump into your body: a nice, tall glass of Shut the Fuck Up. Just admit it, go home to your wife's Adam's Apple and never bother anyone ever again. Please.


Cornelius Hardenbergh said...


Hell of a couple wins by the Bruins.

I watched the last 9 seconds of the celtics game, which I almost never do. Took 9 minutes. WTF?

Anonymous said...

sad... just sad.

knowing you don't watch hockey - thought you should know they have added a hearty Ric Flair "WOOOOOO" to the soundtrack after a Hurricanes goal.

Raquel said...

They do the WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO at the Garden after announcing the goals, too.

Does anyone know who the PA announcer for the Bruins is? He's good. He's not as cool as Eddie Palladino, but the way he says "David... Krrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeee-jciiiiiiiii!" is awesome.

Pepster said...

Roger Clemens did steroids? What? Where have I been?

Pepster said...

Seriously - big night for Beantown sports, except for the fact that Youk went on the DL (and I have him on 3 separate fantasy teams).

HZMLS said...

@ Pepster: but that is like retroactive to like a week ago, so all in all he might only miss like 5 more games.

Shaun said...

Raquel, I did a quick google search...Bruins PA guy seems to be a Jim Martin...

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

I know they have the WOOOOOO in carolina as well as in Boston.

I know Ric Flair shows up to games. I know he is on video on the Jumbotron and I know that the bruins only have the audio.

Heck, I even know some nascar guy was wearing a walker sweater last night when he did the siren pre-game.

I know the kid who sings the anthem every game has some ridic pipes.


Ted DiBiase said...

Whats the big deal about Ric Flair... he wore pansy ass robes! Have you seen what I have?!?

Diamonds from a monkey cave - and a slave!