Friday, May 29, 2009

Boston Sports Weekend Preview


Hey all, sorry about the lack of posts lately we swear that we are not ignoring you, our loyal awesome readers. To intice you further, there is a special surprise coming up next week here at MH I promise you, that you won't want to miss. Where have all the editors gone? Well because I work with kids, I contracted H1N1 Swine Flu, and spent the better part of two days this week wretching over a toilet and praying for death. Raquel finally decided to join a nunnary and now goes by the name of Sister Francis and spends 23 hours a day praying in front of a cross. GHABBY has created a new brand of sterk that is powderized and can be added to a sparkling cider like Magners, for all you fairies that can't drink beers because you lack a pancreas. And Smarty and APNDR? Well I don't want to disgust you with the details, but it involves three dutch Midgets, a pair of tweezers and a rented mule....But anyways back to the sports:

Boston Red Sox vs the Toronto Dead Jays

Tim Wakefield vs Not Roy Halladay #1: The Jays have sucked more scrotum then an underaged Czech porn star over the past two weeks. They have lost nine games in a row, and their complete lack of pitching has been VERY exposed. No longer at the top of the AL East, the Jays are going to need to take all three against the Sox to show the rest of us that they aren't just the Baltimore Orioles of Canada. In game 1, I see George Kotteras showing us that he was worth the trade of David Wells. If Wake does not immolate, I like the Sox's chances in this one.

Brad Penny vs Not Roy Halladay #2: Look I may have over reacted with my Clay Buchholz post the other day, I get kind of stuck in this "BRING UP THE KIDS!!!!" mode sometimes, and its hard to shake. But the facts are hard to deny, for a number 5 pitcher this year Brad Penny has been very solid, who the fuck cares if he gets so much run support he wins games that is all that matters at this point. Not Halladay #2 is some guy named Tallet, who was a LOOGY last year, and somehow ended up a starter this year due Canadian Moose Flu knocking out 8 starting pitchers. If Penny does not immolate, I like the Sox's chances in this one

Jon Lester vs Not Roy Halladay #3: Jon Lester has been the victim of some bad defense and a few bad pitches. Relax fellas, he is going to settle himself down sooner or later. Big Jon goes this weekend against some guy with the last name Romero, who isn't JC (steroids), George (zombies) and Cesar (dead). If Jon Lester does not immolate, I like the Sox's chances in this one.


Frivilous Prop Bet of the Weekend: I was going to make a joke and say that David Ortiz somehow finds his swing and hits four home runs this weekend, but that would be a cruel joke. How about 10 strikeouts?

Real Prop Bet: GET THE BROOMS OUT BITCHES.....

Consider this an open thread for the weekend, feel free to comment on the games, or any other fleeting thoughts. Where will I be? ON A MUTHA FUCKIN' BOAT

1 comment:

Boatdrinks said...

Umm. Who is this D. Bard? Sigh.