Friday, May 8, 2009

Boston Sports Weekend Preview

Win it for Dom. Sox fan to the very end.

Hopefully you all have cleared your weekend calendars for the massive smorgasbord of Boston sports that will demand your attention. The Bruins, Celtics and Sox are all in action this weekend, with games that are more important than your wedding, the night you lost your virginity and your graduation combined. Then again if you are reading this blog you probably have never sniffed any of those life events. But if you have a significant other that is demanding that you do errands, or clean the house during the game, kindly tell her to fly off a fucking cliff. Let's take a look at what we have going on this weekend:

Bruins v Carolina Her-icanes- Friday and Sunday- Down two to one technically the Bruins could completely blow their Stanley Cup hopes and lose out this weekend, and return to the 4th chair in Boston sports. But they won't, don't worry Bruins fans, the B's will take at least one of these games because the giant Chara is going to FINALLY WAKE THE FUCK UP. After looking like he has been in a coma over the past two games, Goliath will return to taking David's lunch money and fingerbanging his sister. The Bruins are too talented to get beaten by a far inferior Carolina team, and I have this feeling that come Monday Boston and especially Raquel will be breathing alot more comfortably.

Boston Celtics v Orlando Magic- After allowing the Magic to completely dictate the first game, the Celtics reached deep down and destroyed Orlando in the second game. What the hell changed? My only guess is that after partying with McLovin between Game 1 and 2 the players gained the lobido to plow through anything that got in their way including Dwight Howard and the ugliest man alive Hedo TurkeyGlue. I applaud McLovin, I assume that he got Pierce and company enough ass to give them post head haze that helped them forget that Howard has a better interior game than anyone on the Celtics who has two working knees. If Doc can get some sort of production out of his bench, and not have to play Pierece/Rondo/Allen for 348230 minutes this weekend they can easily grab two. After the simulatenous stroke-heart attack-nervous breakdown-quasi suicidal-orgamsic Bulls series, the Orlando series has been predictably disappointing. But who the fuck cares, its still fun to watch.

Red Sox vs the DEVIL Rays- They may have dropped the "Devil" from their name, but TB is pure evil. No matter how poorly they have played against everyone else this year, the Rays have tortured the Red Sox beating them 5 out of 6 so far. Tonight James Shields goes against Brad head already hurts. Shields probably will go 7 letting like 1 run on 3 hits, the Rays will pound Penny, and then the Rays pen will let the Sox back into the game just enough to let the Rays to blast me with a drop kick to the balls. Fuck, Sox probably will get swept this weekend, which will further any sort of alcohol induced depression that hits me this weekend. No fuck that, they aren't going to get swept. Baldelli is going to continue to swing a hot bat, and hit a pinch hit home run off of Troy "DONT TOUCH THE FUCKING BALL" Percival. And a note for Brad Penny, want to gain the unadulated love of all Red Sox fans? Throw a few high and tight to Evan Longoria and Carlos Pena. Don't let them get comfortable.

Have a great weekend everyone. Catch you all on the other side.

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