Thursday, April 2, 2009

Walter Ray Allen Has Testicles of Brass

Yours truly was lucky enough to view last night's double-OT thriller LIVE and in living color from the TD Banknorth Garden and all I can say is Wow. I'll cast aside my pessimistic views on the first 40 minutes of the game (how in hell do we let the Bobcats score 33 points in a quarter) and focus on the sheer greatness of Jesus Shuttlesworth himself, Walter Ray Allen. Ray took his ginormous testicular protuberances and sunk not only a game-saving three at the end of the first OT, but a game-winner at the end of the second overtime to beat the dreaded Cats Named After A Man Named Bob and vault the C's into 2nd place in the East. And what did he get for his efforts?

"Hey Big Baby, I appreciate the enthusiasm and all, but can you stop squeezing me like Andre the Giant? I think I just heard a rib crack."

That said, last night was easily the most exciting game I've ever seen at the TD Banknorth (at least until TD Banknorth fails like every other bank in the country) Garden, and this is coming from a man who worked there for a year. Ray Allen, for your efforts last night, we bestow upon you the greatest honor that Mass Hysteria can offer. That's right, it's the return of the Diabeetus Kitteh of Awesomeness.

Well done sir. Now if C's could only defend other teams from shooting threes at will and driving to the hoop with no respect or regard for our interior defense. Please come back at full strength KG, if only because Ray Allen can't whip his brass balls out every game for the next two months.


SmartyBarrett said...




still works.

Raquel said...

TD Banknorth is a subsidiary of a Canadian bank, so it'll be just fine.

ballamiguel said...

TD=Toronto Dominion. And yes, although its stock price has fallen considerably over the last year, it should be ok...until a bigger bank/fish eats this smaller bank/fish. Such is life.

Now onto something you all care about. Charlotte will defnitely make the playoffs NEXT year...maybe this year, too. You heard it here first.

They have veteran leadership to go along with their young kids, they defend well, and they shoot pretty well as a team, too. They are legit. I think they would fare much better than the friggin Bulls in a 1-8 matchup.

Pepster said...

Plus, the Bobcats absolutely own the Lakers.