Friday, April 17, 2009

The Titty Garden?


If you haven't heard, the New Garden Shawmut Fleet TD Banknorth Garden Center Centre is undergoing another name change again, this time renaming itself as the "TD Garden." Let me be the first to make the "Titty Garden" joke (and copyright the name for an accompanying strip club), but given that The Big Building Where the Celtics and Bruins Play changes its name roughly every 0.37393 seconds, and the oh-so-spectacular state of the global banking industry, I will now postulate on what the next name change will be, set to take place roughly by the time I finish writing this sentence:

The Bernie and Phyl's Home for Furniture, Frightening Spokeswomen and Sports.

The Dunkin Donuts "Don't Stick Your Balls in Our Coffee No Matter How Much Your Friend Dares You To" Drive Thru Sports Stop.

Mark Wahlberg Lives Here. Seriously, He Sleeps in a Janitor's Closet Between Games. Stadium.

The "Ernie Boch Jr. Promised to Pay for This Place if We Let His Shitty Band Play Before Every Game" Concert Hall

The Only Place in the North End Where Black People Feel Comfortable

The $9.50 Beer Home of Usury and Moneylending.

The Stop & Shop "Don't Kick the Homeless People On Your Way In, No Matter How Tempting It Is" Superstore & Athletic Facility.

The Jordan's Furniture Diabolical Maze of Overpriced Couches and Ottomans That Eventually Leads to Something.

Chuck E Cheez's "Look, the Celtics Fired That Creepy Midget Mascot So It's Safe to Bring Your Kids Here Again" Ball Pit and Pizza Joint.

The Jonas Brothers Potential Venue in Which to Not Have Sex With Girls in the Green Room Arena.

The Boston Garden: Brought to you by the Highly Profitable New England Sports Museum.

The Ten's Showclub Home For Wayward Strippers With C-Section Scars and Bullet Wounds.

Bob's Home Furniture Really Needs the Business, Two Kidneys, One Liver and Sold Out Luxury Boxes Sportatorium.

And finally, the people's choice: Duuuuudeguy the Fahhcking Gaaaahhhden Brah! *vomits on shoes and newborn infant sitting three rows ahead*

2 comments:

Raquel said...

The BOSTON Garden. That's its name.

Ethan Smith said...
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