Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Get To Know the Boston Sports Media: Gerry Callahan

Here at Mass Hysteria we understand that many of our readers are not from the Greater Boston area. As a slave to the state of Massachusetts, HZMLS will introduce you to some of our great and prolific sports reporters that give us the run down each week in print, video and the radio. The goal of these pieces is to allow you the readers to gain a better understanding of the local flavor that creates our sports scene. While some of this is factual, much of this is pure opinion, so if you don't like my writing, you can go to hell.



GERRY CALLAHAN

WEEI has labeled themselves the sports leader here in Boston, mainly because there are no other viable options for listeners to get 24/7 sports talk. Sure ESPN radio exists somewhere, but unless you live between exit 41 and 43 on the Mass Turnpike, this station doesnt come in (and would you really want to listen to Mike and Mike on the way to work?). So what all of you are forced to listen to (unless you have satellite radio) is the dynamic duo of Dennis and Callahan in the morning. The whole premise of the show is that Dennis "the moderate" debates points with Callahan "the lunatic", about news and sports, with calls from Boston listeners. This whole idea is a fucking farce, because Dennis's views are frightingly close to Callahan's, and any caller who dares to disagree usually is just screamed over with no logically argument to be found, and mocked after they hang up.

Please let me preface this conversation by saying that I turn on their show just to get a good laugh, because the two of them are piss all over themselves insane. Gerry Callahan was once a respected sports writer, who wrote great pieces over at Sports Illustrated , but left them to come back to his hometown of Boston, and the *ahem* newspaper The Boston Herald. Just to give you an idea The Herald is to journalism what TMZ is to respectable news shows.

Callahan hates everything, I mean EVERYTHING, except for the non gay military members, Jack Bauer and Ann Coulter. He hates Obama, liberals, Muslims, Manny Ramirez, Bill Belichick, you, Pedro Martinez, Ted Kennedy, and small puppies. If you get the "joy" of tuning into his show, you probably will see Callahan in either one of two modes. Mode one is ripping the shit out of a local sports figure who he finds slovenly or lazy, or going on a diatribe that would make Joseph Goebbels proud. Over the past week Callahan made fun of Ted Kennedy who has fucking brain cancer, sniveled that Barack Obama probably will be coming back from Turkey in a turban, and today called global warming a myth that has been debunked by many books (?). Oh, and Callahan hates blacks, though he has weaseled his way out those accusations. Check out what he said about Metco (urban kids who get to go to surbaban schools) students:

"

Callahan: "They caught him at a bus stop, right -- he was like waiting to catch a bus out of town."
Dennis: "Yeah, yeah -- he's a METCO gorilla."
Callahan: "Heading out to Lexington."
Dennis: "Exactly


Well it should make you all feel better to know that Callahan attended sensitivity training and is all better now.

Callahan's favorite TV Show 24 is a constant conversation on the show. Though no one watches 24 anymore, it seems that Gerry gets his rocks off through the anti-Muslim, conservative nutjob undertones of the show. I swear he must go home slap a Jack Bauer mask on his wife and goes to town on her.

But our friends that don't live in the area, WEEI IS NOW ONLINE! So if you want to wake up and listen to your racist, bigoted uncle on the radio, tune into Dennis and Callahan. I'm sure you didn't know that global warming is a liberal conspiracy started by that lazy do nothing Manny Ramirez, and that joke Al Gore. Don't believe me? Then go on over to the Herald and read his rantings about Manny hating kids with cancer!


4 comments:

A Pimp Named DaveR said...

"And would you really want to listen to Mike and Mike on the way to work?"Over D&C? Yes. Absolutely. Here are some other things I'd rather listen to over D&C on the way to work, too:

(1) Britney Spears talking about hemorrhoids

(2) The ShamWow guy screaming at chipmunks

(3) An endless loop of "Girl You Know It's True"

(4) The sound of my penis being crushed against an anvil by a sledgehammer

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

There are benefits to taking the T to work.

This is one of them.

ballamiguel said...

I'll save you from reenacting the last scene from Good Will Hunting: on "The Pike", there is no exit 41 or 43 or anything in between.

I watch 24 religiously. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Yablo said...

I always used to listen to these guys in the morning when I was in Boston - but only because it was by far the best reason to get out of bed. GUARANTEED by 6:15 every day one of them would say something that would piss me off enough to make me get out of bed, turn the radio off, and get my day going.

So there's that.

That said, Callahan can be a decent sports writer, but you have to skim over his gratuitous potshots at libruls, manny, etc.