Thursday, March 12, 2009

Please Come Back Soon, We Miss You


After last night's lost to the Heat (the fucking Heat? Really? For fuck's sake, they had the #2 pick last year! How the fuck do we lose to the Heat?), one thing has become plainly, abundantly clear: Rajon Rondo is clearly the most valuable player on this year's Celtics.

Sure, KG, Allen and Pierce may have the All-Star appearances and big contracts, but Rondo is the linchpin for a team that is clearly fucked without him. KG has been ably replaced by Powe and Davis, Allen can be subbed in for Eddie House and Pierce, while pretty valuable, doesn't have the ball in his hands every play like Rondo. Rondo is this team's MVP and most indispensable player. Don't believe me? Let's look at the stat line last night for Stephon Marbury, who replaced Rondo in the starting lineup:


Stephon Marbury, PG240-60-20-000042020-100

"But maybe that's an aberration" you think. Maybe "Starbury" just had a bad game. Well then, let's take a look at his performance Sunday against Orlando, the other time he started in the last two years:


Stephon Marbury, PG212-50-00-101100031-144

Yes, our newest acquisition, he of the immensely stupid tattoo on his head, is a MINUS 24 in two starts, with a total of one rebound and 2-11 shooting from the field. In a related story, the C's got their asses handed to them in both games by inferior teams. THIS IS NOT GOOD.

(Also, the Steve & Barry's in the mall that sold his shirts for $3 closed and the company went bankrupt, though I did get a hilariously ugly pair of "Starbury" shoes for my Dwayne Wayne Halloween costume. They sure matched the tackiness of my flip-up sunglasses, tight stonewashed jeans and sweater vest. And no, I did not go in blackface, but only because my girlfriend wouldn't let me.)

So Rajon, if you ever felt unappreciated, please know that we love you. We miss your scent. We miss your musk. We miss the fact that you know more than three plays, lead the Celtics to actual wins, and generally don't play the game with the mental capacity of Corky from Life Goes On. Take some steroids, go to a witch doctor, hell, get a prosthetic foot and ankle glued on like Kerry Von Erich. I don't care what it takes - just come back. Please.

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