Thursday, March 19, 2009

In-Depth Analysis Through IM Conversations: The Final Four and Championship Game

Because we're fucking lazy and spend most of our days talking about inane shit to each other on GChat, Mass Hysteria is choosing to provide in-depth NCAA Tournament analysis through the medium of stream-of-consciousness instant messaging. Today we wrap things up with our Final Four picks:

GHABB,Y: ok lets talk final four

Smarty: so by my calculation, you have louisville, memphis, pitt, and az state?

GHABB,Y:
yeah, in the awesomely named "Morehead? More Analingus!" entry on the Mass Hysteria bracket contest
we were the only two people to have funny entry names, i was disappointed in everyone elses creativity, or lack thereof

Smarty:
mine isn't even that funny, let's be honest
i just don't like billy packer all that much
many can relate
GHABB,Y: so whats your final four? im too lazy to look it up, i havent even put on pants today and dont plan to until i leave for hooters

Smarty: same as yours except i have gonzaga instead of az state
so i say let's talk about the game we both have:
louisville/memphis

GHABB,Y: Battle of the Annoying Wops

Smarty: two guys who used to coach in the area onto bigger and better things
GHABB,Y: I know Cal actually made UMass relevant for a while, but we know now that he did so by paying everyone six figures. except for Lou Roe, Lou Roe did not accept money, only human flesh

Smarty: and pitino made providence relevant
i have his celtics years mentally blocked out

GHABB,Y: twitches please don't mention Pitino's celtics years, my therapist just helped me get past those

Smarty: agree.
if i choose not to remember it, it never happened

GHABB,Y: like the Holocaust
jk, the Holocaust happened, it's where I learned about Anne Frank's cat

Smarty: one more word on our bracket challenge
one E. Dolan
whose entry is aptly named Ispentoolongworkingonthis
called me last night to inform me that he spent ten hours(!!!) working on his picks.
TEN HOURS!

GHABB,Y: haha, i can just see him looking up the stats for the 11th man on East Tennessee State, going "well, in the four shots he's taken this year, he made two left-handed layups, so if the first thre e forwards get hurt and he goes left..."

Smarty: the sad thing is your kidding, but he DID look that up


ok, so memphis against the ville, who ya got?

GHABB,Y: i LOVE memphis in this game

Smarty: as do i

GHABB,Y: tyreke evans is a stud, dozier has a little Lou Roe in him, and antonio anderson somehow survived Lynn Tech hs, which makes him tough

Smarty: they're defense will shut down williams, clark will get dwarfed by dozier, and i think they can blow them out, for serious

GHABB,Y: i dont get the earl clark hype

Smarty: me neither, he's a poor man's vin baker
minus, you know, the raging alcoholism

GHABB,Y: on the other side, do we both have pitt beating gonzaga/ASU?

Smarty: why do I have the feeling we have the same finals and the same champion? we should have thought this through before posting. booo-rriiinnng.

GHABB,Y: it's because you're totally gay for me

Smarty: i was going to say the same about you

GHABB,Y: i call pitcher

Smarty: wait until URI plays florida in the NIT...THEN we have have a real post!

GHABB,Y: thats when you leave me for HZMLS
but the finals, memphis-pitt, who you got?
ive got memphis winning the whole thing
calipari finally gets his championship, at least until it gets written off the books for all his kids being paid off like Blue Chips

Smarty: marcus camby approves
and yes, i have memphis winning it all as well

GHABB,Y: Marcus Camby was the Neon Badeaux of UMass, I bet he didn't even want the free Toyota Celica, they just gave it to him.

Smarty: sigh, we're so gay for each other it's making me uncomfortable

GHABB,Y:
oh god, you have memphis too?

Smarty: yup.

GHABB,Y: CHANGE IT HOMO

Smarty: we have 3 of the same final four, the same finals and the same winner
aggghhh
do you mind posting this? I'm busy at work.

GHABB,Y: no problem man, what the fuck else am I going to do this morning?

Smarty: How's your vacation day so far?


GHABB,Y: i already jerked off twice, i took a giant shit, im considering going to the gym but it probably wont happen, ive listened to two wrestling podcasts, i havent put on pants yet, and in two hours, I'll go to Hooters and try to give myself a heart attack by eating a shitload of wings. Merry Basketball Christmas.

4 comments:

Rocco said...

GHABBY,Y's last message there really sums up a solid effort.

HZMLS said...

I'm sorry I thought this was MassHysteriaSports not Outsports.

GHABB,Y~! said...

in a related story, it's 430 and i'm shit drunk, i have no idea how i made it home and i ate about 30 wings. Thank you Thomas Jeffferson and your slave-loving penis.

ballamiguel said...

Ernie Dolan wanted to set up various computer screens in our living room, but it started to look like the comeback of CTU from 24. He settled for furiously shuffling through multiple sheets of paper including the win-loss record in the Dance over the last 5 years of every current tournament team. He splooges over the tournament more than Dickie V.