Tuesday, March 17, 2009

In-Depth Analysis Through IM Conversations: The South Bracket

Because we're fucking lazy and spend most of our days talking about inane shit to each other on GChat, Mass Hysteria is choosing to provide in-depth NCAA Tournament analysis through the medium of stream-of-consciousness instant messaging. Next up, the South Bracket:


GHABB,Y: first and foremost, to display my useless wrestling knowledge - in the mid-90s, there was a fat wrestler named "Rad Radford" who would attempt to play a"grunge" on a WWF electric guitar
in a related story, he later died of taking too many painkillers

Smarty: and this is why north carolina will beat radford into submission?

GHABB,Y: yes, because of WWF guitars and somas

Smarty: flawless logic

GHABB,Y: we've got got western kentucky beating illinois, right?

Smarty: oh hell yes
i was about to say, this bracket has the potential to get real fucked real quick
w. ky. is like the perennial cinderella team

GHABB,Y: they're the redneck gonzagaSmarty: and they very well might be playing gonzaga in the 2nd round
the 2nd tier of seeds in this bracket is scary

GHABB,Y: oh, dude, syracuse/asu may be the best game of the entire tourney.there will be positively ZERO defense played in that game, and both devendorf and harden will score 40 by themselves

Smarty: any of those teams could come out of this
and i am NOT sold on oklahoma
even though i spent all season telling people why they should be sold on them

GHABB,Y: blake griffin = the mixed race antawn jamison? and i dont mean that as a compliment. like he's the consensus top pick and all, but i mean, when your ceiling is Carlos fucking Boozer, is that really a #1 pick?

Smarty: he reminds me of boozer so much

GHABB,Y: minus the chest hair and screwing over blind guys, but there's still time

Smarty: i also love how in these posts we're just destroying the NBA potential of virtually everyone

GHABB,Y: And we haven't even gotten to the epitome of NBA Suck - Brian Cardinal: College Edition, i.e. Tyler Hansbrough. I talked with my buddy at rotowire who said that he could see hansbrough being a servicable starter for a decent team if he was surrounded by good players (he cited cleveland as an example), but i say the guy will be AT BEST Nick Collison
and nick collison is a goofy bag of shit on the court

Smarty: that sounds about right
he'll be a cleaner cut joakim noah
but perhaps even more girly

i think this bracket has an NBA sleeper in it, and it's dionte christmas of temple

GHABB,Y: i fucking love that dude

Smarty: although i secretly hope he fails
only because i am so SICK of the puns

GHABB,Y: No way, he rules, both for being named "Dionte christmas" and for scoring like wilt chamberlain on a Tuesday

Smarty: yeah, i mean, look at the lines he can drop on the ladies
christmas is coming...all over your face!

GHABB,Y: "I'm Dionte Christmas, and there's mistletoe above my cock."


GHABB,Y: btw, we also should note that the top-ranked SEC team is a fucking EIGHT SEED
which, as much as an SEC defender as I am, is actually about right
Smarty: yeah
so what do i make of this? i make oklahoma going down early

GHABB,Y: to who though? TX and UM both suck
unless someone pays Chris Webber, Jalen Rose and Ray Jackson to play again
i see OU losing to the Syr/ASU winner (I'm thinking ASU)

Smarty: i just don't see them advancing very far either, because eventually they're going to run into cuse or AZ state or gonzaga
or hell, UNC if they get that far
you know what? fuck it, i smoke crack
and i'm going to take gonzaga
to come out of this mess
they clean out the hanesbroughs
and then top arizona state to get to
would you like a puff from my pipe?

GHABB,Y: haha im actually thinking ASU here
and james harden makes himself a boatload of cash
and then kirk herbstreit celebrates by having a fourway with three ASU coeds

GHABB,Y: Holy shit, when I went to the ASU page, I saw a picture of Master P's kid on USC lifting up the Pac-10 trophy, i can't beleive we forgot that he was on that team
lil romeo!

GHABB,Y: apparently "uhh na na na" means six games played, 12 minutes and 0.5 points per game

Smarty: so we agree that a surprise team is coming out of this bracket then

GHABB,Y: yes

Smarty: i certainly see az state as a possibility, but i'll stick with the zags

GHABB,Y: and we agree that if the No Limit Soldiers were deployed in Iraq, we'd have won the war years ago, right?

Smarty:
absolutely. master p is the colonel of the motherfuckin tank!