Tuesday, March 17, 2009

In-Depth Analysis Through IM Conversations: The East Bracket

Because we're fucking lazy and spend most of our days talking about inane shit to each other on GChat, Mass Hysteria is choosing to provide in-depth NCAA Tournament analysis through the medium of stream-of-consciousness instant messaging. Next up, the East Bracket:


Smarty: the east bracket! the final three games are being played in boston! yay!

GHABB,Y: ugh, that means there's a possibility that this town could be flooded with fans from duke, tennessee, florida state, pittsburgh...ugh, remind me to take a vacation that week

Smarty: this looks like the bracket with the least surprises too. top seeds advance, duke loses in the 2nd round, etc.

GHABB,Y: why couldn't we get the bracket that would send hot USC and Arizona bitches to our city to get drunk and show us their fake titties?

Smarty: instead we'll get some inbred north carolina hicks and lacrosse rapists. also, everyone has VCU over UCLA here. not happening.

GHABB,Y: which wont happen, exactly.

Smarty: i saw VCU this year in person. shut down eric maynor and you win. they're like davidson.

GHABB,Y: eric maynor is a good player, but ucla is just too talented


GHABB,Y: and jrue holiday will be a helluva pro.

Smarty: jrue dat.

GHABB,Y: though I miss lorenzo mata-real's face that looked like it had been used as a dartboard, that dude looked like mickey rourke's liver.

Smarty: the face of a golf ball, seriously.

GHABB,Y: though now they have a guy named "Nikola Dragovic" who I think teamed with Nikolai Volkoff and Boris Zukhov in the early 80s WWF

Smarty: DRAGOOOOO!

GHABB,Y: He Defeat All Man

Smarty: if he dies, he dies.


GHABB,Y: Seriously though, I like them to get to the sweet 16, even if it means beating nova in Philly

Smarty: yeah what a draw they got. and wow, just noticed bob ryan has VCU in his sweet 16. which is insane, because they means they beat UCLA and nova in philly!

GHABB,Y: yeah, sorry bob ryan, go back to what you were good at, which was writing about the pre-1987 Celtics and nothing more. i'm not sure whether a mustache would make bob ryan look more molestery or less... i'm actually thinking less.

Smarty: agreed.

GHABB,Y: nova is playing the American Eagles in the first round, that sounds like the shittiest toby keith opening band ever.

Smarty: as long as they cover "god bless the usa." also, i want to pick duke to lose early. i really do. but i think this bracket aligns nicely for them.

GHABB,Y: i hope they lose to binghamton, if only because everyone at binghamton apparently hates the fact that they have a men's basketball program.

Smarty: wow.

GHABB,Y: and they have the dude who got caught shoplfting condoms, which would be fine if he was 13.

Smarty: i have a solution to their program. 2 words: jim. harrick. he'll straighten EVERYTHING out.

GHABB,Y: do you have any big upsets here?

Smarty: nah, i really don't see any. which of course means there will be a ton.

GHABB,Y: i, and this fucking PAINS me to say this, actually love FSU

Smarty: ouch

GHABB,Y: toney douglas is reedonculous

Smarty: their game with X could be a good one. but xavier is not as good this year as years past.

GHABB,Y: no, def not

Smarty: theire going more on "hey xavier's always a 4-seed, right?" than anything else

GHABB,Y: well it's more because your shitty a-10 sucked

Smarty: 3 teams in the dance

GHABB,Y: two of which shouldn't even be there

Smarty: yup, because, as always, a team that had no business winning the a-10 tourney won the a-10 tourney

GHABB,Y: and of course we haven't mentioned pitt. i think whoever wins the pitt-fsu game will win the region. i just cant figure out who that will be yet.

Smarty: they're hard to pick because if blair gets in foul trouble, theyre toast

GHABB,Y: true, though everyone who goes to FSU automatically gets handicapped parking spots. so pitt at least has the "not retarded" factor. so i guess i'll be super boring and go with Pitt, out of hatred towards bobby bowden.

Smarty: i'm really looking at duke hard in this bracket. like, am i nuts?

GHABB,Y: duke's really looking at you and getting similarly hard

Smarty: singler, schyer, henderson. who knocks them out? nova? UCLA? pitt? why can i envision them beating all of those teams?



GHABB,Y: not a likable bastard on the entire team, aside from olek cyzyzzx. i have them losing to nova or ucla

Smarty: either one is plausable. but still... duke is tempting me. but who in their right mind picks them?

GHABB,Y: thats the thing,i couldnt in good conscience root for them

Smarty: they always find a way to blow it and/or rape strippers

GHABB,Y: i can't be like "boy, i sure hope jon scheyer makes this shot" or "i'm banking on a big game from greg paulus." my already-questionable moral foundation would crumble

Smarty: i refuse to mention paulus. he sucks and i hope he dies. and unless you're a duke fan, everyone in north carolina hates duke. hell, everyone in the damn country. aaagghhh, ok, i'll be boring and take Pitt too.

GHABB,Y: wow we suck

Smarty: and our string of super-bold predictions continues!

1 comment:

ballamiguel said...

I would personally throw Greg Paulus off the Zakim Bridge. Like, from a spot on the Zakim Bridge which I could introduce him to the cars barreling down the off ramps below at 40-50 mph every two seconds. YEAH. Suck on that, Tiny Whiney.