Monday, March 16, 2009

In-Depth Analysis Through IM Conversations: The West Bracket

Because we're fucking lazy and spend most of our days talking about inane shit to each other on GChat, Mass Hysteria is choosing to provide in-depth NCAA Tournament analysis through the medium of stream-of-consciousness instant messaging. Next up, the West Bracket:

Smarty: this is the bracket of boring. i mean seriously, Purdue, Washington, Missouri? snooze-fest.

GHABB,Y: the west is more top heavy than that chick from mad men

Smarty: yea, you got uconn and memphis and i can't really see another team besides those two coming out of there. although...mizzou has really flown under the radar this year...

GHABB,Y: in another bracket, i'd like washington, if only because i have a weakness for 6-7 centers.

Smarty: leon powe anyone?

Benjamin: he's leon powenstein

Smarty: i also think the loss of dyson is FINALLY going to catch uconn

GHABB,Y: memphis is fucking sick, tyreke evans will earn himself bazillions of dollars in this tournament

Smarty: yup. and i always think of that family guy sketch when i see dozier:
r as is robert dozier
o as in oh my god it's robert dozier
...i hope you know what i'm talking about.

GHABB,Y: you see any noticeable upsets? i have MD over Cal, but past that it looks like chalk in the first round, no? but my blood sugar is also low

Smarty: i'm actually taking miss state in the sweet 16. call me crazy, but they get by washington and purdue.

GHABB,Y: see i love washington, if only because they were like the 10th most talented team in the pac-10 and ended up winning the thing. those senior-led ballsy teams always end up doing well in the tourney.

Smarty: same can be said about miss state and the SEC

GHABB,Y: that's why i also like marquette in the sweet 16, though if they had James they wouldve been a legit final four contender.

Smarty: yeah, i want to pick marquette, i really do. but missouri is my "shit i didn't follow this team all year so i didn't know that they were really good and now they're fucking up my bracket" team this year

GHABB,Y: theres nothing at all that excites me about mizzou. if they were a TV show, they'd be "Medium." just no desire to watch either, though strangely loved by people in the midwest.

Smarty: also, did you know they have like 12 fight songs? what the fuck is that shit? pick one and stick with it.

GHABB,Y: i know that they print up t-shirts for their kansas rivalry which basically say "hey, we killed a shitload of your people during the civil war and it was awesome." which earns points from me, anytime you can turn genocides into tshirt slogans, i'm game.

Smarty: agreed.

GHABB,Y: note to self: design a slobodan milosevic tshirt, possibly with him giving a thumbs up.

Smarty: and if you like big white-ass cracker centers, you can look no further than cornell. plus, you can make so many menstrual jokes with their name. observe this headline:

GHABB,Y: i wonder if michael rappaport's "friends" call him Big Red behind his back

Smarty: there's no doubt in my mind.

GHABB,Y: fun lower-seed note: in Chattanooga, people actually give a significant shit about the Chattanooga Mocs

Smarty: southern conference tourney champions!

GHABB,Y: mostly because there's nothing else to do there except go to the TN aquarium while drunk, which is REALLY FUCKING FUN by the way.

Smarty: stephen curry voodoo dolls! get your stephen curry voodoo dolls here!

GHABB,Y: also, their team is named after a shoe. so there's that.

Smarty: someone has managed to one-up the knicks for naming themselves after pants. i hear chatanooga's coach doesn't like players who are loafers!

GHABB,Y: ba-zing

Smarty: i keep staring at this region looking for something exciting that i may have overlooked...but there's nothing.

GHABB,Y: Memphis owns. jim calhoun counts his state-earned money and berates socialists after losing.

Smarty: can't disagree. Memphis it is. perhaps uconn gives them trouble, but other than that they should coast.

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