Monday, March 16, 2009

In-Depth Analysis Through IM Conversations: The Midwest Bracket

Because we're fucking lazy and spend most of our days talking about inane shit to each other on GChat, Mass Hysteria is choosing to provide in-depth NCAA Tournament analysis through the medium of stream-of-consciousness instant messaging. Today, the Midwest Bracket:

this is the "everyone picks Louisville and then their bracket is fucked when Wake beats them in the Sweet 16" bracket. But i should note that I also LOVE Wake this year - they've got three guys projected as top-20 picks.

Smarty: also, everyone is picking arizona in the first round here and i just don't see it. yay, a 12 always beats a 5, but jeez, arizona BARELY got in

GHABB,Y: oh arizona sucks ten dicks, it was hysterical when seth davis was like "how the fuck is arizona in? By the way, they're winning in the first round." Way to fucking hedge your bets you aryan douche. Arizona had ZERO business being in, their season was a hindenberg of awful.

Smarty: yup. they beat some good teams, which is the only reason they're in

GHABB,Y: and lost to a lot of shitty teams... and are named "Arizona."
And people feel bad that Lute Olson's first wife got cancer, and then his second wife took him to the cleaners which made him have a stroke and depression. He's like a walking Lifetime movie.

Smarty: yup. also, in this region: the potential west virginia/kansas matchup... wow. that possible game gets me hot and bothered. could be a hell of a contest. but just for saying that, you watch dayton take down WV to ruin my wet dream.

GHABB,Y: you saw dayton this year, are they any good?

Smarty: their defense in incredible, and their offense has its moments. if it turns into a shoot-out, they're in trouble.

GHABB,Y: so yeah, Dayton is basically fucked then

Smarty: yeah

GHABB,Y: this is gonna piss of HZMLS, but I've got USC in the Sweet 16 here. USC has talent out the ass, and I think Mich State was the default winner of a boring and shitty conference.

Smarty: can i also mention that i have been to 1 BC basketball game in my life and it was against robert morris, and BC lost. So my ultimate rip-on-HZMLS-for-the-rest-of-his-natural-life dream here is BC wins and robert morris somehow beats michigan state due to some mafia pressure on izzo or something, and then robert morris takes out BC

GHABB,Y: who on BC guards DeRozan? nobody, thats who

Smarty: yeah theres no way BC wins

GHABB,Y: who the fuck was the actual Robert Morris anyways? for fuck's sake, name your school after someone famous.

Smarty: when i was at the BC game, i acutally googled them on my phone
i didn't even know what state the school is in

but i still like the ville in this bracket
as trendy of a pick as it is

GHABB,Y: ive got Wake beating Kansas in the regional finals

wake is too trick or treat for me to pick them

: btw, Robert Morris apparently signed the declaration of independence,
but so did someone named Francis Lightfoot Lee and you don't see any fucking colleges named Frances Lightfoot Lee University. Fuck you Robert Morris, you self-aggrandizing douche.

GHABB,Y: Oh, and upon further review, someone named "Button Gwinnett" also signed the Declaration of Independence. I can just imagine Thomas Jefferson going "okay you fuckers, who wrote 'Button Gwinnett' on this shit? This is supposed to be a serious document, not some opportunity for you assholes to fuck around. If someone writes 'Dick Hertz,' I'm going to send my black kids to kick all of your asses."

Smarty: also, i can't believe we've talked about this bracket this long and not mentioned the play-in game, ESPECIALLY since it contains a team named morehead state

Smarty: just imagine how many BJ virgins are flocking to morehead state

GHABB,Y: the play-in game is fantastic. I'm picking my friend Chief Kickingstallionsims. he went to college with me for a year and it was funny as shit when he'd come to our parties because here's this 7-1 dude trying to cram into the halls of a fraternity house built for people who were 5-3. Also, he always looked stoned, for what it's worth.

Smarty: imagine girls attending morehead state, knowing they have so many things expected of them

GHABB,Y: so we're in agreement that Chief is going to kickingstallionsims some ass in that game?

Smarty: that joke sucked, but yes. btw, morehead state is in kentucky.
but 1: their motto is "Where dreams take root ...and grow."

GHABB,Y: From their Twitter: "Campus is all a-twitter (like the reference?)! Proud to be Kentucky's big blue this year!" Wow is that gay.

Smarty: haha

GHABB,Y: if any UK alumns read that (provided they could read), they would immediately kill themselves

Smarty: we can only hope

GHABB,Y: but anyways, i've got Wake and you've got Little Ricky?

Smarty: yessir


HZMLS said...

Smarty I know you probably blocked this out of your conscious, but you went to another BC game last year....when they beat URI

SmartyBarrett said...

Pretty sure I wasn't, mainly because 1. that game sucked and 2. i was drunk.

Mathemagician said...

Seriously though, Arizona being in is awful, one of their "signature wins" was over Oregon State. Oregon State sucks BALLS.

Also, since all the useless ESPN analysts picked Louisville to go a long way, I'd think they're destined to go nowhere.

And now I will sign up for the MH bracket group, come in last, and incur all your mockery.