Wednesday, March 11, 2009

How the Pats Are Spending that Cassel Money

Well two weeks after we basically handed Matt Cassell and Mike Vrabel the Pats are busy making moves to fill in their numerous gaps. But before we get to the signings let's first look at the rest of the casualties this offseason:

Heath Evans: White. Had one really good game with the Patriots against the Dolphins, then we all forget he was even on the team. Will be with the Saints next year.

Jabar Gaffney: In the offseason he decided to work more closely with Terry Glenn and learn the fine art of dropping everything thrown at you. Will be dropping passing for Jay Cutler next season, that's if Jay and Josh McDaniel don't duel to the death before the season starts.

Lonnie Paxton: Had one job requirement, snap the ball to the punter or kicker. Did it with the Patriots for what seemed like 30 years. Part of the max exodus to Patriots West.

Lamont Jordan. Was saved by the Pats from the inevitable career deadening of playing for the Oakland Raiders. Actually put together a good season for the Pats, but so did Benjarvis Green Ellis, which leads me to believe that you could start John Stephens now and he would still run for 1,000 yards. Will also be playing for Josh McDaniels.

Along with Vrabel and Cassel that is quite the group to leave, but they fixed that through free agent signings and trades right? RIGHT?

Fred Taylor- Oh sweet, we signed the Million Dollar Man, the only player in NFL history to have torn every possible ligament in his body. Should be a great role model for Lawrence Maroney, who can see what it's like to play 10 games a season and still get a multi year contract. Watch I say this now, and he will tear up the league next year, and just to spite me he will cause me to lose my fantasy football league. Please turn into 2004 Corey Dillon, please turn into 2004 Corey Dillon.

Chris Baker- Pretty solid tight end, who will do what all Tight Ends do in NE do. Block all game long, and catch one or two passes. Hopefully won't drop as many passes as Ben Watson. According to the JETS website he started up his own travel agency in 2006, but I tried the website and it didn't work, probably went out of business. Chris Baker, another victim of the recession.

Shawn Springs- He is going to be 34 years old, and has been hurt and missed 15 games over the past 3 years. Other than Darrell Green, can someone please name a 37 year old CB that was effective? But for some reason Belichick and Co. thought it would be wise to give him a three year deal. Will follow nicely in the mold of Jason Webster, Otis Smith, Terrell Buckley, Ty Poole, Chad Scott, Tom Knight and Tebucky Jones.

Leigh Bodden- Once was the cornerback that Chad OchoCinco had as public enemy #1 on his list in his locker. Played for the Detroit Lions last year, and was only one of four Lions to have an interception. Jesus Christ, our key free agent signing to date played in history's worst defense last year?

Tully Banta Cain- Was only good enough to play on special teams with us his previous go around, signed a retardly high deal with the 49ers, who quickly realized that TBC is only good on special team, and quickly cut him. Back with the Pats hopefully to push Pierre Woods further down the depth chart.

Well that's what we've done so far. Nothing huge to speak of yet, though a Jason Taylor or resigning Vince Wilfork would be a nice move. The NFL draft is about a month away, in case Todd McShay and Mel Kiper (Jr.) haven't told you. Just think of it this way, we have four picks in the first two rounds, and um drafting is what gives Belichick his super powers.

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