Good morning folks, it's your old friend HZMLS here to take you back to the good ole days of Mass Hysteria. You know the times when we actually posted. The times when we could make jokes about sexually transmitted diseases, funbags and take pot shots at Derek Jeter's sexuality. This morning's breakfast should help you imagine the fun times we have had here in the past (wipes away tears), booze. Yes, let's talk about drinking. After Lord Damien shifted the format of Facebook and added all sorts of Gizmos and Gadgets that were meant to confound and confuse their readers his lordship added the "Top 5" application. Basically the Top 5 allows you to pick your top 5 of anything you can think of; Worst Movie of All Time, Books, Assassinated Presidents, and Beer. This was a tough one, because at the age of 27 I have drank enough beer to shrivel my liver to resemble that of Frank Sinatras.
My Top Five Beers
1. Pumpkinhead- This is the beer of all beers, I literally get giddy when this is available on tap because it is so fucking delicious. Just imagine a pumpkin pie in beer format, and icy cold, and you have pumpkinhead. The only negative to the PH is that it's only available from like August to October, and even then it's hard to find. But my god Pumpkinhead, you complete me.
2. Sam Adams Winter Lager- More of a mans beer than Pumpkinhead (which I'm sure will invite the wrath of Raquel), Sam Adams is just what you need to make it through a tough winter snow storm, or frigid weather. Its bold, its tough, and its dark, kind of like the Jerrod Mayo's of beers.
3. Seadog Bluepaw- The first time I went out for drinks with the Hysterics, after the Will Leitch book signing we went to Boston Beer Works and I got a Blueberry Beer. Needless to say ShitShow, GHABBY, Raquel and Pimp were relentless in their mocking of my style of drinking. Raquel at one point asked me if I needed an umbrella in my beer, GHABBY asked me if I wore panties, and ShitShow mocked my direction in life right before he placed 1000 on the next college bball game. I know the name of this beer should place this along the lists of anyone who writes for Outsports. But look I love blueberry beer, and I don't care if it looks like it has rabbit shit floating in it.
4. Miller Lite- For every serious drinker there has to be a cheap fall back beer for those times when a) you want to drink alot and b) you don't have alot of money to spend. For me that is Miller Lite, I know a beer most of you probably can't stand. But me and Miller Lite have a long history, most of them involving the Red Sox. If you've been to the Fens you know that their beer selection in most parts blows. You can occasionally find Sam Adams, or a Guinness but they are either hard to find, or 9 bucks a pop. Miller Lite on the other hand goes great with Fenway Franks, and for me at least, nothing beats sweltering in the Fenway sun, then a cold ML.
5. Blue Moon- Ok another light beer, but this one is particularly good because they mix Orange-with beer. I can already read the comments "HZMLS jesus christ, you like girly beers" but Blue Moon is the shit. Plus if I can throw my other editors under the bus, Smarty can't drink normal beer, and GHABBY can only drink Michelob Ultra because of his diabetus. And Raquel is a whiskey girl.
Note I did not place Yuengling on my list because I dont live in the three states in the entire US that it's available.
So what have you my Hysterics, What are Your Top 5 Beers?