Thursday, March 5, 2009

Boston Sports Tonight!

Bruins vs. Coyotes, 7:00 pm. The Black-and-Gold take the ice at the Garden tonight in a valiant attempt to recover from the massive suckitude that was the month of February (and the first game of March, but whatever) and begin their playoffs push in earnest... and what better way to do that than against the second-worst team in the Western Conference? Phoenix looked like a contender for a 6th-8th seed through the first few months of the season, but has apparently given up hope recently -- they sent the mighty Olli Jokinen packing off to Calgary at yesterday's deadline in exchange for some draft picks and a night in bed with Elisha Cuthbert once Dion Phaneuf is done hollowing her out with his giant caveman dick. A game without Jokinen means 85% less blood on the ice, so I suppose we should be grateful for that. Anyway, Phoenix still has a Staal brother kicking around somewhere on one of their affiliate teams, so they'll be fine down the line... tonight, though, I rather doubt their ability to bring anything of note to the ice. Um, hooray?

[obligatory Winnipeg Jets reference]

Frivolous speculation of the night: Considering that at this point Blake Wheeler's already taken forcible advantage of the Phoenix system by using their draft pick to secure a spot in the NHL and then riding out his final years in college until he could hand-pick his rookie team as a free agent, I figure all that's left for him to do is make violent, non-consensual butt love to Wayne Gretzky. Could tonight be the night? Ooh... I think there's magic in the air!

Serious prediction of the night: The big question on everyone's mind, natch, is this: will the addition of Steve Montador and Mark Recchi to the Bruins' lineup bolster our defensive skating, breathe some life into our power play, enhance our physical game, and provide a valuable veteran presence as the team heads into the playoffs? Here's the answer: No. No it fucking will not. Whatever, I still say we beat the Coyotes 3-1 tonight.

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