Monday, February 2, 2009

Your Semi-Rational Beanpot Preview




Today is one of the biggest events in Boston sports, the Beanpot. So ok, if you didn't go to either of the four schools competing in the Beanpot, or you hate hockey than this is probably as interesting as a Days of our Lives Rerun. I love the Beanpot, and was even offered tickets to go see the games with a certain lost hockey editor, but all in all I couldn't fucking tell you what makes BC better than Harvard, or why Northeastern never wins. It is just intense hockey, with lots of drunken students that fucking hate each other. Let's look at the schools themselves:

BC: Filled with rich, trust fund yuppy assholes who feel they should win because they are the only school officially partnered with Jesus. School is neither in Boston nor is a college (actually the size of a university). Like myself, the entire student base could probably name only 2 players on the hockey team, but if they ran into a BU fan they are sure to litter them with profanities. Coached by Jerry York, who is possibly the best college hockey coach ever who was signed by Father Leahy in a midnight meeting with Lucifer.

BU: Located right on the B Line near Fenway Park, BU is an expansive wasteland that goes on for miles. Love walking to class? How about waiting for the ever reliable public transportation system to get you there? Unlike BC they are actually located in the city. Their hockey program has won more Beanpots than the rest of the schools, play at the Agganis Arena. Named after Harry Agganis, the little engine that could do everything but live past 26.

Northeastern: Usually the punching bag for whomever gets to play them in the first round (which is BC this year WHHEEEEE), the Huskies haven't won the Beanpot since 1988. Northeastern is a great school if you want to work for two years, and get real "life experience". Come on, your internship at Merrill Lynch will hold nothing compared to my B+ in Eastern European Literature.


Harvard: Also not very good at Hockey, but good at just about everything else. While many of the athletes at BC and BU will go on to play hockey in the NHL or in Europe Harvard athletes will one day cure cancer, and create a car that runs purely on water and urine. Located in Cambridge, Harvard players have struggled in the past, because of the level of "smug" that has been embedded in their lungs.

So who is going to win this year? I bet you think you know what I am going to say, and you are wrong. It's going to be Boston University, which makes me absolutely cringe thinking about it. BC has been very inconsistent this year, and well the other two schools they don't stand a chance. It will be BC and BU in the finals, and BU will show my Eagles the door. But listen if you haven't watched the Beanpot before, please give it a chance, it may be the best sporting event you've never watched.