Friday, February 13, 2009

Will You Be My Valentine, Dustin Pedroia?

Dear Dustin,

I doubt you know me, but I sure as hell know you. You first caught my eye as you elevated through the Red Sox system on the fast track to the big club. I dismissed all the comparisons to David Eckstein - I knew from the get-go that you were better. Once I heard you went to Arizona State, I immediately started to draw comparisons to another Red Sox second baseman. And I know I'm taller than you, have more hair than you, and could probably take you in arm wrestling - I don't care, Dustin. Don't you want a big strong man in your life? Don't you need a big strong man in your life? So I figured, you know maybe...if you're not busy...since tomorrow is, you know, Valentine's Day and all...maybe, and I...or you, ya know...could...sigh.... Will you be my Valentine, Dustin?

Remember in 2007, when you started off kind of slow and everyone was screaming for you to be benched in favor of Alex Cora? Well not me, Dustin. I didn't. You know why? Because I knew. I knew you were destined for great things. I read the scouting reports - I saw the numbers. They wanted to send you back to AAA! And why? Because you had a shaky month? You had already OWNED AAA. You made it your bitch. Don't you want someone who will stick by you no matter what? In sickness and in health? You deserve so much more, Dustin. I'm not like the other fans. I never gave up on you. So when you won the Rookie of the Year in '07, I wasn't surprised. I knew you were capable of that...and so much more. Then when you went absolutely nuts in the playoffs, it got me a little hot and bothered, I won't lie. But again, I knew it was in you. And part of me wished I was in you.

Then in 2008, when you just went off for like a month and a half, I was thrilled. As I started to examine your MVP competition, I had none. I penciled it in. But I still jumped for joy when you won it. Nothing surprises me anymore, Dustin. I know you're headed for bigger and better things down the road. And first up on that should be a man-date with me. Some sushi, some baseball talk, maybe you can sign my jersey or something, who knows where the night will take us. Just give me a chance to show you that I'll never let you down - just like you've never let me down. Will you be my Valentine?

Love always,

Smarty Barrett


Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

And I thought that was one of your made-up tags.

Anonymous said...

Wicked funny, when you guys gonna do a piece on Manny being Jobless