Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling!


Clippers 93, Celtics 91. Now, this would have been an expected result in the days of Allan Ray and Gerald Green's Corpse, but for this year's Celtics, the defending champion 46-13 Celtics, to lose to the Clippers is like losing a knitting contest to Jim Abbott. Shameful, sad, pathetic, troublesome - insert whatever "really fucking bad" adjective you want, because last night's loss sucked. Throw in KG's strained knee, Pierce's twice-dislocated thumb, Gabe Pruitt's game of drunken dodge-em on the 405 and Stephon Marbury's Stephon Marbury-ness, and the average Celtics fan may be downing Xanax like M&Ms this morning.

HOWEVAH, to quote a certain Cheez Doodle loving "journalist), I'm here to tell you that things aren't nearly as bleak for the Green as one would initially think. Yes, last night's bed-shitting was disturbing, but things aren't nearly as bleak as they may have seemed last night in Simmons-land. Because I'm just that sort of guy, I'm here to present you, the Celtics fan, with five reasons not to take a bath with the toaster this evening:


1) The Road Trip is Over - The C's have struggled on the post-All Star Break Western road trip for as long as I can remember, so to come away from this trip with a 2-2 record, including wins over Phoenix and Denver, ain't too shabby, especially given that KG was gone for 2 1/2 of those games. The C's now play nine of their next 10 games against Eastern Conference teams, against whom they're 30-4 this season. Furthermore, most of those games are at home, where the Celtics have won 86% of their games. So the schedule gets much, much easier.

2) KG's will be back soon - KG's initial prognosis was 2-3 weeks, and there hasn't been any news to the contrary over the last few days. 2 weeks would have him ready for the March 8 game against Orlando, and 3 weeks would have him return the next week at Milwaukee. Meanwhile, KG probably won't be too missed in imminently winnable games against Indiana, Detroit, New Jersey, Miami and Memphis over that span. And when KG returns, he'll be back at full strength and fresh for the playoff push, which can only be a good thing.

Pierce finished this game, and then banged your sister. And you thanked him for it.

3) Pierce probably isn't sitting out - We've now watched Paul Pierce play for 10 years. He's played through sprains, strains, bruises, aches, and even stab wounds to the face. He's already stated that last night's dislocated thumb won't stop him, and I don't expect to see Pierce miss any time with this or any other injury. The dude is fucking invincible.

4) Rajon Rondo's testicles - The one good thing that's come from KG's injury has been Rondo's full ascent to Alpha Dog status on this team. He put up 32 points against Phoenix, neared a triple-double in a blowout over Denver, and had 17 and 7 against the Clips last night. He's shooting 59% over those last three games, making teams pay dearly for not guarding him. Rondo's sudden elephantisis of the testicles has been the one significant addition to this year's team over last year's, and it seems he's only getting ballsier.

5) Mikki Moore and Stephon Marbury. Seriously - Look, I would have obviously liked to pick up a bigger name, but given the C's salary cap situation, castoff vets were really all we could hope for. And given that, we could have done a whole lot worse than Moore and Marbury. Moore is a legit seven-footer who has years of experience in the league and can at least provide height and a defensive presence low, something the 6-7 Leon Powe and Big Baby couldn't exactly provide. He's also ten years younger than P.J. Brown was last year, and while he's not the rebounder that Powe was, he'll be able to fill the lanes better and contribute more on the offensive end. Marbury, on the other hand...well...I really don't know. Best case is that he'll be on his best behavior in Boston, and provide an improvement over the useless Gabe Pruitt and Tony Allen. Worst case? Well, I really don't want to think about that. I mean for fuck's sake, the guy has a fucking tattoo on his head. Sweet fucking Christ.

2 comments:

Matt said...

Losing a knitting contest to Jim Abbott... nice.

hcg said...

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