Friday, February 20, 2009

Next Up for Dustin Pedroia? The Slam Dunk Competition

So it seems the Red Sox have a tradition during Spring Training, where they take the two smallest whitest players on the team and have Big Papi paddle the shit out of them. First one to cry loses and has to sniff Brad Penny's jock after practice. No, that's a big lie, well as far as we know. Instead the Red Sox have some sort of uber-caucasian tradition where they play Ping Pong for a $20 send away trophy that looks like what I got when I came in 8th place in the "Pine Box Derby Race" in Boy Scouts. This year the finalists were team midgets, Pedroia and Jed Lowrie who were the only two who volunteered to play, since the rest of the team followed Julio Lugo's lead and spent the night at Juggs instead. Started as a friendly game, Pedroia took it to the next level by hiring International Ping Pong Master Myuck Loo-Moon in the offseason to teach him advanced moves of the Shaolin Monks, who have practiced ping pong for centuries. Pedroia of course won, and after the match, unbeknown to Lowrie, Pedroia went and impregnated Lowrie's wife just to prove he could.

Sadly last year's winner Mike Lowell, could not compete in this years competition because he can not lift a ping pong paddle above his hip. While the tournament was occuring Lowell sat on the sidelines and cried, sighing that he was real sad the Sox found someone younger to take his place. Jonathan Papelbon was also interested in competing, but he only wanted to play against this "Forrest Gump" he heard so much about, who he felt was both his talent and intellectual equivalent.

Much love to Sawxblog for the hilarious Mike Lowell pic


Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

In blogger, they put the "http://" in the link-maker box for a reason: If you just put in, it will consider it an internal link.

Keep up the good work!

Boatdrinks said...

So, ummmm. Mike Lowell is going to be singing sad songs like Alone Again, Naturally?

That will be a fun clubhouse.

hcg said...

I hope you have a nice day! Very good article, well written and very thought out. I am looking forward to reading more of your posts in the future.